


No Remorse

by Daktasinsanity



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cheating, M/M, Romance, Secret Relationship, There might be a few scenes that could be called as Eruri but they are scarse, This will have an Levi/Erwin established relationship but this is not Eruri, don't read if looking for eruri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-01-10 14:53:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daktasinsanity/pseuds/Daktasinsanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi's relationship with Erwin is not going where Levi wants it to. When Eren, a young coworker, starts making passes at Levi, he sees it as an opportunity to have passion back in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He knew how to come in and I let him

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a song called Toinen by Jenni Vartiainen. All the chapters are named as verses from the song. When this fic is done I will provide you with a full translation of the song. My other inspiration was ofc the time before Xmas when everyone is attending office parties and such. But I wanted to take my time with this fic because I wanted to give it some real attention and have time to kinda shape it out just the way I wanted to.

_**  
**_

 

Christmas parties were disgusting events. Everyone who you worked, yelled or laughed at and with, would be there. The singles especially were eager and the married ones looked for someone to cheat their spouses with. It all fit together nicely. That was the reality of this office’s Christmas parties anyway. The said party was only a week away.

 

He had been there every year and every single time he had lousy time, watching as his colleagues getting drunk and make asses of themselves. Cheating was for unhappy people. It was for people who did not recognize the worth of their partner. That was the way he saw it until one particular year.

 

Levi had not understood the cheating part. He was living in a happy relationship himself, there would been no reason for him to take part in such a disgusting activity.

 

Until now.

 

It had been summer when they recruited some hopeful youngsters, some of them were there for their first job experience, some in desperate need of money and ready to do anything for it. It was Levi’s job to torment the poor souls. His duty to make sure only the strong ones survived the hectic life of their particular office floor. They did not need weaklings among them.

 

This year, he had noted, there had been three newcomers. A guy who looked like a horse, a blond boy too smart to be here and then a Duracell bunny with bright green eyes that were not anything special.

 

No, not at all.

 

“Who the fuck made twenty copies of this shit list that is not even supposed to be copied!” He whacked the papers against his hand, glaring at the three newcomers. They had survived this long, they had stayed this long but this kind of slip ups were not meant to happen anymore. “Come on, shit heads, fess up or all of you will suffer.”

 

The horse face called Jean looked away, paling. Levi’s eyes narrowed, that kid knew something but his gaze fell on the blonde, Armin, next.

 

“I don’t know who did it, sir.”

 

At least someone knew how to talk to their superiors. He nodded to Armin, letting him of the hook. Armin hardly ever made any mistakes. Heck, he had not seen him slip up even once. He learned and fast, that pleased Levi to no end. Armin would go far in whatever he chose to do in life. Only down side was that the kid seemed to be easily intimidated.

 

Then there was the brightly smiling guy who seemed to have never ending energy. “So, Jaeger, do you know anything about these?” Levi picked up the papers, waving them around.

 

“Let me see?” Eren extended his hand, wanting to see what papers they were. His eyes went wide as he saw what Levi was upset about. “I would not copy this. It does say right here,” he pointed on the corner of the paper “Do Not Copy.”’

 

“Ten points, Jaeger. You are not a complete failure after all.” So that left Jean, who was typing something on the laptop with inhumane speed. Levi walked over to his desk. “So Kirstein, that leaves only you.”

 

Jean gulped. “I swear it was an accident. I was just about to put them to the shredder, sir.”

 

“Next time your hand goes through the shredder as well,” he let the threat hung in the air as he put the papers through the shredder.

 

He returned to his office now that the papers were properly destroyed. He could only hope that the horse face would check what ever he was sticking into the copying machine next time.

 

An hour later a light knock disturbed the almost tranquil peace of his office. “Here’s the copies you asked for, sir,” Eren’s head was peeking from behind the door, a stack of papers in his hand.

 

Levi beckoned the brat over and the young man almost sprinted to him. Eren must have been drinking energy drinks or something while he was not looking.

 

“Sir?” The bright green eyes sparkled at him.

 

”What?” He might have sounded a bit too harsh but that did not affect the smile on Eren’s face.

 

”Would you like to join us for lunch?” Eren leaned subtly on the desk, bringing his hand just a hair breath away from Levi's.

 

Levi would have thought the gesture innocent if the boy had not licked his lips when Levi looked up to him. The brat was clearly hitting on him and so Levi decided to fight with fire. He leaned on the palm of his hand, tilting his head to the side. ”Are you paying, Jaeger?”

 

”If that makes you say yes then yeah.”

 

Levi had to hand it to Eren. He was not afraid of Levi. He had seen everyone else cower at his feet but this brown haired young man did not even flinch when Levi got angry. Obviously the opposite didn't make him flinch either. Levi sighed, pulling back to sit properly in his chair. ”Sorry kid but I don't have time for lunch.”

 

”Aaaw, come on, Levi,” Eren cried out and smiled when he received a death glare from Levi. ”I mean, sir, please reconsider your decision.”

 

Levi chuckled. ”Jaeger, flirting will not get you anywhere. Answer is still no.” He crossed his arms over his chest as a sign that he would not give in.

 

”But why? Free meal is not enough? What do you want me to do, sir?” Eren almost cooed the words.

 

”I want you to get out of my office and get back to work,” Levi said, looking at Eren with disinterest. ”Stop that pathetic attempt of wooing me. I'm sorry to inform you but I'm already taken.”

 

Seeing Eren's face was worth it. The shocked look on his face lasted for good five seconds then he narrowed his eyes. A new kind of fire was lit in the beautiful green orbs that Levi had not seen before. ”Are you lying to get rid of me, sir?”

 

”No, I am indeed in a relationship so you can forget your silly quest of getting into my pants,” Levi said patiently.

 

Eren leaned in close enough for him to feel his breath on his face. ”I will not give up that easily.” Eren strode out of his office, returning to his work.

 

Levi let out a breath he had not realized he had been holding. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back. He had to admit the brat was attractive in his own boyish way. He was young and seemed to have a nice body under those clothes of his. Not to mention those tight jeans the boy wore. He had to admit, he had spared a few glances at that ass. Levi had reminded himself that he had someone waiting for him at home every day and he should not be thinking of other men's asses no matter how nice they were.

 

He opened his eyes, gazing at the ceiling. He also had to admit that his relationship was not in the best shape. Everything had become a routine. Levi would get home, cook, watch TV and wait for his lover to get back from work. Even the sex was what he could imagine eating cardboard was like, dull. Even then he felt slightly guilty for even for thinking about someone else than his lover.

 

Erwin had always been great to him, loving and caring but lately Levi had to admit that the spark that used to be there had not been there. Levi was not one to pursue after sex. No, not until he was feeling horny. Even then he would give subtle hints to Erwin that something needed fixing.

 

As of this moment he needed to get back to work. These numbers on the papers that Eren brought would not calculate themselves and someone needed to type them into the system. Sighing for the umpteenth time he took a look at the papers, getting back to work.

 

* * *

 

 

He should have known that Eren was serious when he said he would not give up. The green eyed young man had sent him flowers. All the girls in the office were swooping in to see who had sent them as soon as the delivery had been made. Levi had been quick enough to snatch the card away from the bouquet. The card said _To Levi With Love, J._ and nothing else. At least the brat had been smart enough to leave his full name out of it.

 

”Who are these from?” Hanji tried her best to get hold of the small piece of paper. ”Let me see the card, Levi.”

 

Levi danced around his office until she cornered him and got hold of it. ”Uuuh that is mysterious but surely you know who it is, right Levi?”

 

Levi fixed an annoyed gaze on her face. ”It's probably that twat from marketing. We had business meeting last week and he made it blatantly clear what would get me into his good books.”

 

Hanji looked thoughtful for a moment. ”Johnson?” She asked doubting his words. ”Isn't he married with five kids?”

 

Levi shrugged. ”I wouldn't know because I do not care.”

 

Hanji narrowed her eyes. ”Are you lying to my face, Levi?”

 

”Why would I do that, oh my precious?” Levi willed himself not to look away from her. Adverting his eyes would be admitting that he was lying, he could not allowed himself to do that.

 

She eyed his face a little longer until she gave up. ”Ok, keep your secrets for now. I will find out who send those sooner or later.”

 

Levi shooed the people out of his office, not noticing that one had lingered on. He closed the door and jumped a little when he found Eren standing behind it. ”What the hell? Get out, Jaeger,” he hissed at the young man.

 

The younger man nodded his head towards the bouquet of roses on his desk. ”Do you like them?”

 

”Jaeger, listen,” Levi managed to say wearily before Eren pushed him against his office door. An involuntary shiver run down his spine as Eren pushed a leg between Levi's knees. When Eren bent his knee, raising it upwards almost making Levi sit on it, Levi's breath hitched. The green eyes were inventively staring down at his own blue eyes. Levi grabbed hold of Eren's shoulders, meaning to push him away but he found himself unable to do it. Eren's body felt hot under his touch and it made him clutch on even harder. He hadn't felt this excited since... when was it?

 

Eren's fingers touched his chin softly, he leaned forwards, his breath hot on Levi's face. Levi meant to protest but the words died in his throat. Just when their lips touched, someone knocked on the door.

 

”Shit,” Levi cursed quietly. Eren let him go in a heart beat and the moment felt surreal as he opened the door just enough to see who was disturbing the moment.

 

It was Petra, smiling brightly at him. ”I need your signature on these,” she offered him a file which he took carefully.

 

”I'll get right on it,” he said, shutting the door on her face. Levi rested his forehead against the door, taking a deep breath. ”I think you should leave.” He didn't look at Eren as he walked back to his desk, putting some distance between them.

 

”You didn't answer my question.” Eren's breath touched his neck. Levi had not heard him walking over behind him.

 

He practically skipped to get behind his desk to have some kind of barrier between himself and the younger man. ”What, those?” he pointed at the roses. ”They are nice. Now get your ass out of my office and get back to work.” He slammed the file on the desk and sat down.

 

Eren looked like he wanted to say something but left the office without a word. Levi sighed as soon as the brat was out of sight. That had been close, too close. He squeezed his eyes shut as he recalled the almost kiss. He took a deep breath to calm himself. His heart was still raging inside his chest. What horrified him was that he did not feel the guilt he should be feeling. Nor should he! He had not done anything wrong. It was that damn brat who assaulted him!

 

His shoulders slumped as he flipped the file open. He let his head hit the desk softly. He could not help but feel intrigued. His relationship with Erwin was not how it should be and if he was truthful to himself, he was interested in Eren more than he should. He knew it was wrong of him but he could not help it. There was no real harm in fantasizing until it became reality. It wouldn't hurt to take a small taste, right?


	2. I'm  just as much guilty as he is

 

It was the evening of the company's Christmas party. Levi was in a foul mood. He slammed the phone down in anger. He had just hung up on Erwin telling him that he would be out of town for the next two days. Levi had made plans for the weekend, for them to spent it together since Erwin would be gone for Christmas itself. Of course something had to come up to ruin it all. Next week Erwin would leave for his month long trip and this weekend was supposed to be their own private Christmas celebration.

 

Levi would have to walk into their home to the middle of all the decorations, all the food in the fridge and he would be alone in the freshly cleaned apartment, in the bed that he made this morning with the sheets that Erwin loved. Everything he had done was for Erwin's sake. It had been too long since they had a romantic dinner, too long since they only thought of each other. Thus, it hurt as hell when Erwin could not have stayed home for one evening, one particular evening that they had made plans for weeks.

 

Saying that Levi was bitter was an understatement. He hated wasted effort more than anything else and talking about wasted effort, he saw the card that came with Eren's flowers in his desk drawer when he opened it. Eren's tries to woo him might have been wasted effort in his eyes before but now he was more than willing to give him a chance. He did not want to spent tonight alone. He slammed the drawer shut and got back to work.

 

Two hours later Hanji barged in through his office door with two drinks in her hand. “Levi! Time to party!”

 

Levi surprised her by shutting down his laptop and took the drink that she came to offer him.

 

“Wow, you look like you really need it,” she said noticing his eagerness for alcohol.

 

He didn't answer as he downed the champagne in one big gulp. He gave the empty glass back to her and followed her out of the office. He heard merry laughter and catcalls from the lounge area where his fellow office workers were more than happily getting drunk while exchanging gifts and more likely spit as well. Levi himself had only one person in his mind who could have such a privilege tonight.

 

Usually Levi would have stayed maybe for an hour or two but this time he was ready to make an exception. It was all up to Eren what would happen. It was only half an hour later that Levi found Eren striding towards him with a lot of confidence in his step.

 

“You look fine tonight,” Eren said, setting down an empty glass on the coffee table between two plush couches that they were sitting on.

 

Unimpressed by his flattery Levi regarded Eren from behind his own glass. “At least I looked in the mirror before I left the house.”

 

Eren glanced down at his own attire. “Hey, this is not as bad as it could be.”

 

“That I'm sure of,” Levi remarked.

 

“Next time, I will call you for fashion advice.”

 

Levi sipped his champagne, savoring the rich taste. “How would I know what you have without seeing your wardrobe?”

 

Eren stared at him, tilting his head to the side. “You are free to come and visit, you know that.”

 

Levi glanced around the room to see that no one was paying any attention to them. Levi leaned forward, lowering his voice as he looked at Eren. “Then would you mind if I came to take a look tonight?” A Range of emotions went across Eren's face as Levi waited for his response. Disbelief, hope and determination.

 

“Meet me in the garage in ten minutes,” Eren said in a hushed tone and sprang up from his seat, walking away.

 

Levi closed his eyes and relaxed back into his seat. So he had ten minutes to decide if he was going to go through with this. In ten minutes he could either go into his office, gather his belongings and head straight home or then he could head for the garage and leave with Eren. He wondered if Eren would understand if he simply wanted his company and not anything else. He doubted that.

 

His options were not great. He could go home and eat a dinner meant for two alone or he could have it with Eren. He could have his romantic dinner that he wished, they could taint the fresh sheets if he so willed. He smiled to himself when he felt the shiver of excitement run through his body. No, he would not take Eren home with him. As much as he was angry with Erwin, he would not want to explain all the missing food. Erwin knew he did not eat much. He drank the last of his champagne and got up.

 

He made his decision as he walked back to his office, he opened his desk drawer and saw the card again. There was a young man, who was willing to love him tonight, waiting for him in the garage. Even if the love was a lie it would be better than a cold, large bed without any one else in it. He took a deep breath, took his briefcase and walked out of the office, locking the door behind him. He knew where he was headed tonight and he would not be alone.

 

“I hope you have something to eat,” he said few minutes later to Eren who he passed on his way to his car in the cool garage under the main office building. Levi looked at Eren as he opened his car door, waiting for an answer.

 

“Yes.” Eren nodded. “I have not eaten dinner either yet.”

 

“Lead the way,” Levi said, sitting in his car not waiting for any further replies. He waited until Eren left with his car to follow after him. He had not cared to check his address from the system even if he could have easily done that but it would have meant the bother of turning his laptop back on. Completely pointless course of action in other words when he could just follow the young man's car.

 

After driving for five minutes they entered the area where mostly students lived. Levi guessed that Eren had not moved out of his apartment after his school had ended but that was not a subject he really had any real interest to linger on. He wanted a dinner and a warm bed with some company. As he parked right after Eren's car by the side of the road, he sighed for one last time to settle his nerves. There was nothing to be nervous about. He could always walk out any moment he wanted and go home. Home. The word itself sounded disgusting. No, he did not want to be there tonight.

 

Eren was waiting for him by the door and guided him into his apartment that looked cozy. It looked like a real home. Not like his and Erwin's cold house. When had it become so cold? Eren's home radiated warmth just like the person who lived in it. Deep down Levi wanted to be part of a home like Eren's. To have a place like this that looked welcoming each time he came in even if he was alone. He sighed when a pair of arms circled his waist and he came into contact with Eren's warm chest. Welcoming indeed.

 

Eren did not do anything else, obviously waiting for what Levi would do. If he would be pushed away, testing the boundaries a little bit. Levi did not mind, he was startled how little it bothered him that Eren was so close to him. He was waiting for that feeling that he would be disgusted with himself and with Eren, being all noble and push him away because he would not want to cheat on Erwin. Thought of Erwin brought a bitter taste into his mouth. He needed to wash it out.

 

“I'm hungry,” Levi stated, not making a move to get out of Eren's arms.

 

The young man chuckled, letting him go. “Come on, I have fridge full of food. You can pick whatever you want.”

 

They raided Eren's fridge. The kid had not been lying when he said it was packed. Levi wanted his romantic dinner so he set the table, asking for instructions to where things were and with Eren's help the table was soon fit for dining. Eren snuck off for a moment and came back with a small candle and a lighter in his hand. Levi smiled, almost. Eren heated their food and took two beer cans from the fridge.

 

“I'm sorry I don't have anything fancy like wine,” Eren said apologetically as he placed a can next to Levi's glass.

 

“That's fine,” Levi found himself saying. He poured the bitter liquid into his glass, taking a good look at the young man now sitting across him. The candle light made him look handsome and not so young. He hardly had paid any mind to how Eren really looked like while they worked but now he had all the time in the world. Eren noticed him looking at him and squirmed in his seat as the staring continued beyond Eren's zone of comfort.

 

The food was not as bad as it could have been and Levi found himself enjoying the meal. Levi leaned on his hand, sipping his beer. He would have taken Eren to be a chatty person but guess not. Eren always seemed so energetic at work and now it left Levi wondering if Eren actually liked his job, as boring as it was. Levi was surprised when Eren finally decided to talk to him.

 

“Does your boyfriend know you're here?”

 

Levi dropped his gaze from Eren's face to his plate. Damn Eren for bringing Erwin up. “He's... out of town.”

 

Eren raised his eyebrows for a second. “Ok.”

 

It was not ok. Levi knew that Eren didn't need much to deduce that there was trouble in Levi's paradise. Levi could only hope that Eren would not ask about it. He was not much of a talker when it came to relationships. Just when the young man had managed to lift his spirits just by being there, he had brought the bitterness back into his mind. He hoped Erwin rotted in his hotel room alone tonight.

 

Eren took their empty plates and walked to the sink, leaving them there. Soon enough he was back next to the table, staring down at Levi. He was almost sure that Eren would lean down and kiss him but he didn't. Instead he offered him a hand, palm up. Levi glanced from Eren's face to the hand. He put the beer down on the table and took the offered hand. He found himself pulled against Eren's chest so quickly that he had to wrap his arms around him to stop himself from falling back on his chair.

 

Eren felt so warm against him. Warmth seeped through his shirt and Levi curled his fingers against his back, crunching Eren's shirt in his fingers. Eren's fingers touched his chin gently, tilting his head upwards. Levi gave into him, letting him guide him into a careful kiss that left him burning inside for more. He did not know what to expect from Eren anymore. He had been sure that Eren would be overeager, giving him a sloppy and hungry kiss but he did not. His touch was caring, too gentle for a man who had been circling around him like a hawk for some time now.

 

Just as gently as Eren had guided him into the kiss, he guided him into his bed. Eren overtook him with his silent passion, being careful with everything he did to him and it left Levi out of breath. Eren's attention to detail had him trembling at the slightest touch. The calmness of Eren was a ruse. Levi could sense the blaze under his skin that wished to be unleashed upon him. It left Levi feeling both uneasy and appreciated at the same time. Levi wanted to drown in it but Eren kept him afloat.

 

On thing was clear to him throughout the night that he spent with Eren.

 

Regret did not enter his thoughts even once.

 

Not when they shared kisses that made his toes curl in a way he had not felt in many years.

 

Not when he gave himself to Eren, him being the only other person to have him like this in the last ten years.

 

Not when Eren made him gasp his name as if it was the most natural thing for him to do, as if he had been doing it for years.

 

Not when Eren made him feel as if his arms were the right place to fall asleep in.


	3. That's what I've been like, never completely closing the door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to keep posting this on Thursdays. No exceptions!

Morning came all too soon for his liking. Levi woke up in the small bedroom of Eren's. The single bed that Eren had barely even fit into the room but that added to the cozy appeal the room had. Levi would have wanted to sleep a few more hours but he decided that it was time to say his goodbye. Eren did not receive a single kiss nor a glance as Levi got up and put on his clothes. In silence he pulled his shirt on, searching for his underwear. He carefully put on each sock and then standing up to pull his trousers on.

 

Levi knew he was awake and watching him and his every move. Levi straightened his collar, brushed off any dust or dirty on his sleeves and draped his suit jacket over his left arm. He finally turned to face Eren. He leaned over him and placed a kiss on his forehead. “Thank you for a wonderful night.” He turned on his heel but he did not get any farther than the bedroom door when Eren's voice called out to him.

 

“Wait!”

 

Levi stopped, his hand on the door frame, he kept his back turned to Eren.

 

“Will I see you again?” Eren's question might have seen silly if Levi had not understood what he meant by it. Eren wanted to know if this would happen again. Levi made a decision on a whim, perhaps, but he made it anyway. He turned his head slightly to the side as he spoke. “My boyfriend leaves on a month long business trip on Thursday. I'll be alone on Christmas and it is also my birthday. Consider yourself invited,” Levi said and without another word he left the cozy home of Eren Jaeger.

 

Levi made it home after stopping at the liquor store for a bottle of whiskey. _No regrets_ , he told himself. He stepped into the silent house. Everything was clean, just they way he left it. He felt cold in the apartment all alone. He laughed a humorless laugh as he sat down in the living room on a white couch and opened the whiskey bottle. He got himself a glass from the liquor cabinet that Erwin had. Of course there was some whiskey there but his own and Erwin's tastes differed when it came to the bitter liquid. Besides he'd rather keep it a secret that he drank any.

 

He spent the next few hours on the couch watching TV, nurturing a glass between his fingers. He noticed several times how his thoughts traveled back to Eren. The whiskey was getting to his head he was sure of it. He'd blame it on the whiskey when he turned the TV off as his mind was filled with the memories of last night. Eren's tongue on his skin, hand between his legs, the hotness of Eren's mouth on him. Levi blamed the whiskey when his free hand found its way into his pants and stroked his hardening cock. He blamed the whiskey when he came undone and the glass slipped from his hand, spilling the liquid on the expensive carpet.  

 

* * *

 

Levi wiped his forehead, sighing after finishing the hard task of cleaning the fucking carpet he regretted ever buying. It had taken him a few days to clean it as he had to let the cleaning product do its magic before scrubbing it furiously with all his might.

 

He heard the front door opening which only meant that Erwin was home. When Erwin walked into the living room, Levi was already sitting on the couch, pretending to watch TV.

 

“You cleaned here again? Did you not clean before I left?” Erwin asked, looking a bit confused as he smelled the odor of the cleaning product Levi had used just minutes earlier.

 

“I spilled something.” Levi really did not want to explain it any further and Erwin did not ask. Levi kept his eyes on the TV. He did not react in any way to his boyfriend sitting next to him.

 

“Are you still angry?”

 

Hell yes, Levi was still pissed off about Erwin going on his stupid business trip that was conveniently just before his long one. Levi had just spent the weekend on his hand and knees for two different reasons but Erwin would only ever know about the one that had gotten the carpet cleaned. Levi sighed, fixing his glare on the blond man's face. He did not even have to answer Erwin.

 

“I'm sorry. I would have changed it if I could have but this very important time for our company and I could not get time off just because I wanted to spent some time with you.”

 

Levi cursed in his thoughts how he would have wanted to say, _You didn't even try._ But alas, Erwin did not even allow him to do that. “Whatever.”

 

“Hey, I will make it up to you. I promise.” Erwin's hand touched his shoulder gently. “We could go on a trip once I get back next month. What do you say?”

 

The soft smile and gentle sparkle in the blue eyes of his boyfriend always got to him. It was one of the things Levi had fallen in love with when he met Erwin but now it irritated him to no end that it still managed to soften his heart. A stupid smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and finally broke free when Erwin leaned in to kiss his cheek lightly.

* * *

 

The next week at work was more than interesting. Levi did nothing differently. He did not act any different around Eren, other than letting his gaze linger on the young man a bit longer than necessary when he was sure Eren did not see. Maybe it was a mistake because Hanji certainly noticed, giving him a questioning look.

 

“Spill, what has he done now?” Hanji leaned her bum against his desk, nudging her head towards the general direction of their newest members in the office.

 

“I have no idea who or what you are talking about.”

 

Hanji laughed. She actually laughed out loud. “Oh, don't you try to wiggle your way out of this one, Levi. It is hard to miss all those longing gazes you sent towards our sweet little Eren.”

 

_Sweet indeed_ , Levi thought but he gave Hanji a withering gaze. “He is a nuisance. What else do you expect me to say?”

 

Hanji gave him a calculating look as if she was trying to add things together that she probably shouldn't be. “If he was a nuisance, you'd tell him instead of staring at his ass all day.”

 

“I've done no such thing.” Levi straightened his tie out of habit.

 

Hanji giggled as she watched him squirm under her keen eyes. “You cannot fool me, old friend. I know you too well,” she said grinning but then her voice grew serious. “I know it's nice to have eye candy but that is what it stays, right? Nothing but eye candy.”

 

Levi could not miss the insinuation that Hanji was making. Levi was not a free man and he did not need Hanji to remind him of that. “Eye candy only,” he simply answered and it seemed to satisfy his coworker who left him in peace. Hanji would never know and he intended to keep it that way. He would never admit that each time Eren entered his office, a shiver ran through his legs. Levi wanted to reach out and touch Eren when he came close but he restrained himself each time.

 

He was proud of his self-control but Eren seemed to want to test it out. Eren still continued his silly antics of flirting. Sometimes taking a bit too far and leaving them both hot and bothered. It took Levi a few days to realize Eren was doing it on purpose. It would arouse suspicion if he suddenly dropped his failed attempts at wooing his boss. Levi kept denying him of course. Occasionally Eren would leave his office with a knowing smile that only Levi saw.

 

The week passed rather quickly for Levi. Erwin had left on his business trip in the morning and Christmas was approaching faster than Levi would have cared for. Only thing he looked forward to was having Eren over to save him from complete loneliness. Thinking about that, Levi took a business card and wrote down his address. He then walked to his office door, opened it and shouted, “Jaeger, get your lazy ass in here!” He only needed to wait a short while for the brunet to arrive. Levi was back at sitting behind his desk when Eren came into his office.

 

He beckoned the young man over who was looking interested in what was going on. “Here,” Levi offered him the card. “I figured you'd need this.”

 

The smile that spread on Eren's face was one of relief. “I honestly thought for a moment you would expect me to hack into the system to get this information.”

 

“Now that would be cruel, wouldn't it?”

 

The look that Eren gave him confused Levi. He could not read it and the young man said nothing in return to his comment. “What time do you want me to be there?”

 

Levi opened his mouth to answer when Hanji barged in. Eren pocketed the card right away before she got any closer to see what it was.

 

“That is all, Jaeger. Get back to work,” Levi said dismissing the young man who then left without a word.

 

* * *

 

 

Christmas Eve was on Saturday and unlike any other Eve so far Levi spent the whole day cleaning the apartment once again. If Erwin had been there he would have said that he was wasting his time. Cleaning helped Levi think and he was stressed out because of Eren. He would be letting the young man into his cold, heartless home and it had to be tip top or else Levi would keep getting distracted noticing dust everywhere and that was not what he wanted to be doing all night. He knew it was one of his nervous habits.

 

He also knew that he did not need to make this effort for any particular reason. Eren liked him already, Eren had already seen him at his most vulnerable moment. Eren had managed something no one else had so far and that was a feat he wanted to congratulate the young man for. There had been a time when Levi had thought he would spent the rest of his life happily with Erwin but last few years had opened his eyes. It had taken Eren's attention to make him finally realize he would not be happy with Erwin.

 

The problem he was facing was the fact that he could not imagine himself leaving Erwin. He was not even thinking of telling the man that he had slept with someone else. He saw no reason to change his life at this point. His relationship was not a happy one but it was what he was used to. Erwin meant security, he was Levi's rock. Erwin had been there for him for a long time. It would be too much of a hassle to break up now. Levi was not sure what he would do if he ended up leaving Erwin. Where would he go? Could he live alone after all this time? For all he knew, Eren could be just a phase. Heck, the young man might even get tired of him in a week and then it would all be for naught.

 

Levi and Erwin could just keep on living together as they had for years. There was no reason to change it. Not for one bratty kid who could not stop winking at him suggestively. One thing Levi admitted though, Eren made him feel as if there was something to look forward to every day. His dull life suddenly had some color and all he could do was thank Eren for bringing it into his life. Not that he would ever tell him.

 

He did not regret it when on his birthday he heard the doorbell ring and he opened to the door to find his sunshine on the other side. He let the young man into his kingdom that he guarded with care.

 

He let the young man into his cold cell that he did not know how to leave. 

 


	4. Everything is not fine ever, not entirely

 

 

Even with Erwin gone Levi could not relax in his own home. Eren had not commented on the house, not a single word and it unsettled Levi. He was not sure why. Maybe he wanted to hear Eren say something in awe, maybe he wanted Eren to complement the obviously fake 'happy home' that he had put together. Even Levi himself could see that the whole place lacked emotion.

 

Eren did not say anything about it until they had eaten lunch. “I can see you take care of this place.”

 

“It's called cleaning, you dumbass.”

 

“No, that is not what I meant.” Eren held his hands up defensively. “I can see the time you've put into everything, you know. Everything is placed carefully and nothing is out of place here.” Eren sipped on the wine that Levi had offered him. “Other than me,” the young man added as an afterthought.

 

“You would not want to be part of this, trust me,” Levi said and he meant it. He could not imagine Eren ever living in a house like this. That thought made Levi miss Eren's cozy little apartment.

 

Levi could have sworn he saw a brief flash of pity in Eren's eyes but it was mostly sadness that filled the beautiful green orbs. That was not what he wanted Eren to feel when he was with him. No, he needed to fix this. He wanted to see that lust that he had experienced over a week ago with him. He wanted the young man posses him once again, make him feel as if there was nothing on the earth that he could want more than Levi.

 

Levi knew Eren could make him feel wanted and not as if he was a routine fuck. Surprisingly Levi found himself wanting to give Eren the same feeling. He knew he could continue his cold act in front of everyone else but he could at least let Eren see his other side when they were alone. Only then he would find out if Eren was truly interested in him or just fascinated by the man who kept pushing everyone away when it came to physical contact. Levi hardly wanted to shake hands with clients so such things as hugs were out of question. He was glad Eren had understood that rule at least somewhat while they worked. When they were in private, it was another thing altogether.

 

Levi rose from the table that they were still sitting at. He offered his hand to the younger man. “Come,” he said waiting for Eren to take his hand.

 

He lead the young man to his bedroom. He felt a small tug on his hand as Eren paused at the door, looking around the spacious room. The bed was too big for any couple. Levi actually preferred the bed that Eren had. It was small enough to force two people to sleep as closely as possible. He had felt like a true lover for once. But the bed that he and Erwin had was big. He could sleep all night on it, trash around and still not feel his boyfriend by his side. He needed to open his eyes to see if Erwin was even there. He would not know if he was otherwise.

 

_Don't look,_ Levi wanted to say to Eren.

 

_Don't think of who sleeps here._

 

_Don't think any less of me._

 

_Look only at me._

 

As if Eren had heard his command he turned his eyes on Levi. He liked that look in those green eyes of his. They finally had that subtle fire burning in them. Levi would do everything in his power to make it burst into full flame.

 

Levi took almost sick pleasure in inviting Eren into his bed. His fantasy of defiling the clean sheets with Eren was coming true. He had given this too much thought earlier when he made the bed. He was not the only one who was feeling uncomfortable with their setting since Eren seemed reserved and forced Levi to take control of the situation. He told the young man in hushed whispers that he wanted him to let go. He wanted him to love him and show it to him. He also let it slip on purpose that he wanted Eren.

 

Levi got what he wanted out of the young man when he did not make his touches gentle. Applying enough pressure he made Eren feel every single, almost bruising, touch of his. This was not the time for gentle caresses. He did not want to be pampered like some fragile little girl. Finally after nibs, bites and frantic touches something snapped inside of Eren and he revealed his fierce passion that Levi dived into, forgetting everything else in the process.

 

* * *

 

It was not late yet, just past two in the afternoon, but Levi did not want to get up from the bed any time soon. Eren was napping next to him, covered in love bites that would be more visible later on and that thought made Levi happier than he would have thought. Anyone who would see Eren without a shirt would know he was out of reach for them. Not that there would be much of a chance to anyone to see him without a shirt, right? No other than him, right? Levi smiled to himself because of these thoughts.

 

He had every intention of inviting Eren over again and again, taking advantage of his own loneliness. He could have the time of his life with him while Erwin was away. Eren pushed away the emptiness in his heart. He filled it with something that Levi could only identify as happiness. When it came to Levi he would never be overly happy. Not someone who would have a skip in his step or be someone who would smile all day long. He would never be someone like that but he would be treasuring the things Eren did to him and what his words did for his heart.

 

Levi sighed and brushed a few hairs out of Eren's eyes. He had no other plans for today other than probably having a nice warm and long shower with Eren later. It was his birthday, he could do whatever he wanted. Truth to be told, he had not been looking forward to any birthdays of his for years. Erwin never got him anything special because Levi kept telling him that the day was nothing special. Erwin did not see underneath that lie. Why?

 

For a long time Levi had wanted someone to make him feel special, at least on his birthday since it had become his fate to be born on a day that people celebrated because of some dude who lived thousands of years ago.

 

But then there was Eren. The young man who was here with him just because of him. A man who had persistently knocked on his door, harassed him with flirts and light touches when he thought no one else would see. A young man who had given him a present, kissed him and wished him happy birthday. The present was nothing glorious but that was why it was meaningful. Eren had thought only of him when buying it, not of money. Levi had never told him that he loved black tea nor had he emphasized it's importance in anyway but Eren knew to buy him a package of it. Eren had paid attention and that meant more than he would ever admit.

 

The doorbell rang.

 

“Aah fuck,” Levi cursed softly as he had to get up to open a fucking door, trying not to wake Eren in the process. He grabbed a bathrobe that he kept on his closet door. He padded his way to the door, mumbling something about stupid fuckers who disturb people on their birthdays and holidays.

 

He adjusted the bathrobe one last time before opening the door to find a courier with flowers.

 

“A delivery for Levi?”

 

“I'm Levi,” the man said as he took the offered flowers.

 

“Sign here please,” the courier took his signature and left with a friendly nod and a goodbye.

 

Levi knew who these were from. There had to be at least a dozen if not more red roses in his arms. He closed the door and made his way to the kitchen, putting the flowers down on the counter. He knew he would need to tend to them as soon as possible if he wanted them to last. He knew that but instead he took a look at the card which said,

 

_Happy birthday, my love._

 

_Erwin._

 

He closed his hand into a fist, crunching the card with it. He knew that to have flowers delivered at his doorstep on Christmas Day meant that Erwin had planned this a long time ahead. He knew Erwin meant well with the gesture but he did not like the fact that his long-term boyfriend thought he could fix everything with a bunch of flowers. It sickened him that he had not gotten something more personal like a phone call. He would have loved to hear the words on the card from Erwin himself.

 

The phone call never came nor did he expect it to. That was one of the reasons why he let Eren stay for the night. But before the day was over he had the luxury of enjoying that warm shower with Eren which might have involved something more than just innocent back washing. Nevertheless he enjoyed it and he might have cracked a smile or two.

 

Somehow the evening ended up with Levi swaying in Eren's arms as Eren had tried out his stereos that were the only thing in the house that Levi actually owned himself. But he did not tell that to Eren of course. Instead of wasting his breath, he pushed closer to the warmth that he never wanted to take for granted. 


	5. So now I'm this person who does not even feel shame

 

 

 

“Fuck!” Levi banged the file against the top of his desk. The numbers were all wrong. One typo somewhere that no one had noticed before. What did these people get paid for? He took a few deep breaths as he walked to his office door, opening it with a yank he marched towards the three little boys at the end of the corridor.

 

“Someone screwed this shit up. Kirstein, fix it.” He slammed the file in front of the young man who hurried to open it. “I drew you nice big red circles so you can see what numbers do not add up. Find the reason why and make a new sheet.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“Good.” Levi turned, glancing briefly at Eren who offered him a small smile. He did not acknowledge the young man in any way as he walked back into his office.

 

His day was not very eventful. He organized some folders and noticed that he needed to go visit the marketing department. He piled the files under his arm and made his way to the third floor. His business was brief because people in marketing understood what he was saying unlike some of the people in his own department.

 

Thanking the fabulous guy named Mike he left towards the lift. The whole day had been boring, just utterly so. He needed something to cheer himself up with and the first thing he thought about was Eren. He halted his steps and stood there for a few seconds before turning his feet towards the men's room.

 

He checked that he was alone before shutting himself into one of the stalls. He took his phone out of his pocket and searched for the desk number of none other than the green-eyed young man. Eren answered sounding all professional, making Levi smile on the other end.

 

Levi licked his lips to wipe the smile off. “Jaeger.”

 

“Yes, sir?”

 

“Drop whatever you are doing and get your ass to the men's room on third floor ASAP.” Before Eren had time to protest he added, “Do not question my order, now move.”

 

“Of course, sir.”

 

The line went silent and within two minutes of the call, Levi could hear the door opening and a few tentative steps. He knew this person was not here to do his business so it only meant it was Eren. Levi opened the door to find the cute young man on the other side looking slightly worried.

 

“Is something the matter, sir?”

 

“Not anymore,” Levi said, pulling him into the stall.

 

* * *

 

 

Nothing could have cheered him up like Eren's hot mouth doing and spouting dirty things to him. Someone probably heard them but the probability that anyone would believe that Levi was doing such things with Eren in a bathroom was nonexistent.

 

Well until Hanji would hear about it. As she had and two days later sauntered into his office clearly with a mission to find out if what she heard was true.

 

“Levi,” her tone was disapproving. “I heard some rumors circling the marketing department.”

 

“Do you do anything but gossip all day?” Levi was just as disapproving of her choice of method for spending her days chit chatting. She ought to be working instead of flapping her lips with the chickens from upstairs.

 

“I do but I have realized that I should enjoy what I do instead of working my cute butt off and run out of will to live,” she explained and then waved her hand dismissively. “But that is not what I came to talk about. The girls told me that someone had heard a rather suspicious activity going on in the men's room upstairs.”

 

“And?”

 

She grinned as if she knew how to get him to talk. “And they say there was a certain name being said in a crude manner.”

 

Levi rolled his eyes. “Get to the point. I don't have all day.”

 

“Oh you are ruining my fun!” she huffed. “Anyway they say someone was moaning your name out in one of the stalls and there was no mistaking that they were not alone in there either.”

 

“Tch. It could have been anyone.”

 

“Levi,” her tone had a serious edge to it. “As far as I know, you are the only one named like that working in this whole god damn building.”

 

“Oh how that proves anything.”

 

“You are fooling around with Eren, aren't you?”

 

“None of your business even if I was.”

 

“Levi,” she sounded disappointed like a mother whose child had done something wrong.

 

“Hanji,” he said in return.

 

They stared at each other as Levi waited for her to say something stupid. If she started spouting some nonsense about guilt and what was right and what was wrong, he would kick her out of his office, consequences be damned.

 

“I know it is none of my business but--”

 

“You are absolutely right there,” Levi cut her off harshly. “It is none of your business and thus I do not need your input in what I should be doing.”

 

She looked at him in silence for a moment. “Alright. I understand.”

 

Levi surely hoped she did. He did nothing to stop her from leaving. Pampering her would only make her think she had some sort of say in this or any of his matters.

 

* * *

 

 

Levi sighed. His eyes were closed. He was feeling tired but in a good way. Eren was running his fingers on his spine lazily. Levi nudged his face upwards, taking a deep breath against Eren's neck. Once again an evening had ended like this for them. Levi had come to spend more time in Eren's cozy home than his own. They had only two more weeks before going back to normal routine. Levi was already thinking of ways to keep seeing Eren.

 

He was ripped away from his thoughts when Eren spoke, breaking the silence between them.

 

“Someone knows.”

 

Levi hummed, not alarmed at all by this fact. “A lot of people know but they don't realize they actually do.”

 

“What?” Confusion filled Eren's voice.

 

Levi had failed to mention that Hanji knew already. Eren did not need to know that. It would just worry him and probably give away to Hanji the fact that they talked about this. That woman did not need any more clues into what was happening even if she had already guessed.

 

“Most think it is just s rumor,” he said to the young man.

 

“Ah.”

 

“As long as we keep low profile in front of others they won't suspect a thing.” Not that it was really anyone's business to begin with. Levi hated unnecessary babbling about his life. People were sure to talk and he did not want to give them any more material for it.

 

“But rumors have a bad habit of circulating into the ears of those that you do not want to hear about them,” Eren countered.

 

The brat had a point. It could be possible that people who knew Erwin and him being together would tell him about these rumors. But there was also the possibility that Eren did not want someone he knew to know about this thing between them. “Are you afraid of someone?” Levi asked out of curiosity.

 

“No, I'm scared for you.”

 

“Unnecessary.” Levi was baffled by such a notion. There was no need for Eren to even think of him. “Nothing to be scared about,” he tried to reassure the young man. He kissed Eren's neck couple of time quickly.

 

“But what if--”

 

“No what if's!” Levi hissed, letting his hands wander as he wanted to distract Eren from his thoughts. He could not fathom why Eren would be worried. Levi was not interested in other people's opinions so even if everyone found about his immoral actions he would not care. He doubted his sex life had anything to do with his job or even his friends.

 

* * *

 

 

Levi was about to go home, putting his shoes on. He needed more clean clothes so it was really important he did pay a visit to his house once in a while. Eren had not said anything when he had started to bring a bag of clothes with him every time he visited which was every few days. This morning he had overslept and thus forgot to take the clothes. He cursed himself for not packing the bag ready in the previous evening.

 

His phone started to ring before he had time to get his coat. He looked at the screen to see it was his beloved Erwin calling him.

 

“Yes?” he answered knowing that Erwin knew he would know who it was anyway.

 

“Levi, how are you?” the blond man asked from the other end.

 

Levi turned around to see Eren walking up to him, obviously to send him off but Levi quickly hold his hand up and then placed a finger on his lips indicating that Eren should keep quiet. “I'm fine thank you,” he said as an answer.

 

“Are you at home?”

 

“Yeah, about to hit the shower,” Levi lied through his teeth.

 

“Oh, then I will not keep you any longer.” The blond man was silent for a moment. “I miss you.”

 

Levi grimaced not really wanting to say the next words in front of Eren. “I miss you too,” he forced the words out of his mouth with as much softness as he could. Why was he even doing this?

 

“Two more weeks and I will be back home.”

 

“I know,” Levi said bluntly.

 

Levi could imagine the smile on Erwin face. “I will not keep you from your shower any longer. I'll see you soon.”

 

“Yeah, see you soon, bye,” Levi quickly hang up, letting out a sigh. He looked up at Eren and saw that sorrowful look in his eyes. “I'm sorry about that,” Levi apologized not really knowing why. The eyes had nothing to do with it. Those eyes that could break his resolve if the young man tried hard enough. In any case Eren knew he had a boyfriend. It should not be a surprise that Erwin could call him any time. Would Eren look him like that every time when he would return to Erwin's side?

 

Levi hated it already. He would not look into Eren's eyes if it meant seeing that lonesome expression. So he closed his eyes and Eren took it as a cue to give him a goodbye kiss.

 

“I'll see you tomorrow,” the young man told him.

 

Levi knew he had just hurt him when he had not intended to do so. There was nothing he could do right now. He was too scared to let go of Erwin when he did not know how serious his and Eren's relationship would be. Keeping his eyes downcast and blaming it on his insecurities he left the apartment without sparing a glance at Eren.

 


	6. The one who survives when you finally wake up

 

It was a fine Monday morning. Levi had his morning coffee, still steaming hot, sitting on his desk. He was not much of a coffee drinker but to get started on Monday mornings he really needed the caffeine. But before he could enjoy it to its last drop Levi had something to do that he had been postponing for a few days now. He had failed to talk about it with Eren during the weekend, what a lovely weekend it had been so maybe that's why.

 

He called the younger man into his office like he did many times a day but this time he had no work related business to discuss with him.

 

As soon as the smiling young man entered he said, “We need to talk.” He had kept his voice stern, not giving any warmth to his words as this was strictly business type of conversation in his opinion.

 

Something so simple caused Eren's smile to drop as the young man walked the few steps towards him.

 

“Sit down,” Levi gestured towards the chair on the opposite side of his desk.

 

Eren sat down, moving stiffly. “You are going to leave me?” was the first thing he said.

 

Eren's question caught Levi off guard. “What?” he asked his voice full of confusion. How had Eren come to that conclusion? “No.” What a ridiculous notion that was but he saw relief wash over Eren's face. “In any case,” Levi began. “Month is up,” was the only thing he ended up saying. He did not want to blabber away when he knew Eren would know what he meant.

 

“And that means your boyfriend is back?” Bright boy as Levi predicted.

 

“Yes.” Levi paused. “And you know that means I'm not as free to move around as I've lately been.”

 

Eren nodded, solemn look on his face. Levi almost wanted to snap at the younger man that he knew exactly what it was going to be when he started making passes at Levi. Maybe Eren had thought that Levi would merrily jump into his arms and ride into the sunset with him. Levi almost laughed out loud at the mental image.

 

“So from now on it is best if we don't see as often. I know how it sounds,” he said as he could see that Eren had been worried about the status of their little affair. “But I do not want to get careless.”

 

Eren was unnaturally quiet. Usually he at least looked at Levi but now he was staring at the ground lost in thought.

 

“You have no intention to leave him, do you?”

 

Levi opened his mouth to say something but the piercing gaze of Eren's eyes silenced him. What could he say? He clearly had been right about Eren expecting him to ride on that damn horse of his to that bloody sunset.

 

“I see,” Eren quietly came to his own conclusions as Levi did not answer him.

 

“I thought you knew where we stood.” Harsh, Levi wanted to slap himself. He knew he should have chosen his words more carefully. How could he explain to Eren his insecurities about leaving the only man who had stood by his side for so long that it had become something he took for granted? Would Eren even understand the weight of a long relationship? But what did he know. Maybe Eren had experienced it, maybe not.

 

_He is still so young._

 

Levi felt lame for using Eren's age as an excuse to run away from his problems.

 

“I'm sorry,” was uttered by the young man's lips so quietly that Levi almost missed it. Levi had not time to say anything as Eren cleared his throat and said, “If that is all, may I go back to work?”

 

Levi almost commented that this was the first time Eren had willingly gone back to work but would be a stupid thing to say. “Yes,” Levi said, lowering his gaze. He had a silly feeling of wanting to fix this. What would it matter if Eren now walked away? Wouldn't that mean that he saw Levi as something not worth his time?

 

Watching the young man get up and take steps towards his door was not something he wanted to see at this very moment. Clenching his jaw, Levi rose up. “Eren, wait,” he said, wiping his hand across his face as a nervous gesture. He opened his mouth couple of times as he always ended up changing what he wanted to say. “I should be the one who is sorry, not you.”

 

“It's ok, Levi. It's like you said. I should have known what I got myself into,” Eren said with the biggest fake smile Levi had ever seen.

 

“Eren!” Levi had not moved so fast in his entire life and he did not care if someone saw him rush to the other end of his office. He managed to block Eren's path before he had a chance to touch the door. “This is not the time nor the place for me to explain my motives to you. But I will if you give me a chance.”

 

Levi made a gamble and he hoped that he would not regret this. He would tell Eren everything the young man needed to know about his situation with Erwin. Levi needed to make him see that this could work if he just gave it a chance. Levi was not even sure what 'this' was but for once in his life he did not want to discard his feelings outright.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay?” Levi confirmed and saw Eren nod. He let the young man leave his office also returning to work himself. He sighed. The young man would be the death of him. At least of his heart if things did not work out. Levi did realize he needed to do something about Erwin. How do you tell your life partner that you suddenly don't need them anymore?

 

* * *

 

After work Levi left the building and headed out towards Eren's cozy little apartment. Going there always made Levi feel better, feel as if he was going home.

 

To a real home.

 

Eren normally waited for him with a smile on his face. Eren would chit chat about little things, about this and that, nothing too specific. Sometimes he told Levi about his family and how he missed his sister who had apparently eloped with a rodeo clown. Levi did not wish to know where on earth people still had rodeo clown as a profession. He was not sure if it had been a joke but that did not matter. He loved to listen Eren talk.

 

But tonight it might not be as simple as that. Eren probably would not have a smile on his face nor would he treat him to Tex-mex snacks as he did every Monday evening for some reason. Eren might have said it had something to do with Mexico and Monday sharing the same capital letter. Eren's reason's for things did not have any deeper meanings.

 

Levi on the other hand liked to have something to justify his actions and choices with. To him such a thing as Eren's justification of things sharing capital letters was absurd and way too shallow. But he did not judge Eren. No, it was not his place to say to him that it was a stupid thing to do. If it made Eren happy then that was all that mattered in the end, right?

 

But Eren was not happy and Levi knew he was the one hurting him. If he had not condoned his advances and acted on them then maybe the young man would be happier. Levi felt like he had doomed them both by giving into his selfish desires.

 

As he predicted Eren opened the door without his usual smile. This did not bode well for Levi. He knew he would have to talk that smile back on Eren's face. This would not be solved by physicality.

 

“Hey,” Levi said as he stood just beyond the threshold of Eren's home.

 

Eren mumbled something similar back in response, retreating back into his living room as if Levi was not feeling bad enough already. Eren living room was actually another small bedroom without a door. Eren seemed to have a style of cramping big things into small places because there was a huge couch in the room and barely room for the table between the couch and the TV.

 

Eren was munching on a burrito, right on track of his Monday hobby for spicy food apparently. The young man was obviously upset with him and did not want to help him getting started on his apology slash explanation.

 

“This is not as simple as you think,” Levi started as he sat next to Eren on the couch. “I've been with Erwin for a long time,” and so he launched into a review of his past with Erwin. How they had met back in high school and eventually turned from friends to lovers when things had gotten rocky for Levi. His father had chased him out and Erwin had been the one he turned to in his time of need.

 

Eren listened silently as he talked and for the first time in that day Eren was really paying attention to him and what he said. The green eyes watched him intensively, showing genuine interest.

 

“I am not sure if I can just walk out of that house for good.” _I put so much time and effort into that house, into the relationship._ It hurt to think that it had all been for naught. Levi was scared to face that truth. “And for all I know, you might end up liking someone else and then what do I do?” He had not meant to say that but it just came out.

 

He was surprised by Eren who reached for his hand. “I'm not as fickle as you seem to think.”

 

“That was not--”

 

“Yes it was,” Eren interrupted him with his stern tone. “You didn't mean to insult me yet you did.” Eren took a deep breath. “I might not have such an extensive experience in relationship stuff as you do and to be honest it doesn't sound like yours is in a good condition but,” Eren paused. “I did not start hitting on you just for shit and giggles. I actually do want something serious out of this and yes it hurts me that you are still attached to Erwin so much that you do not seem to realize that it would be better for you to walk away from him. There, I said it.”

 

“You really think I should just leave him?” He needed someone to say it to him.

 

“Of course I do. I want you all to myself!” Eren exclaimed and cracked a grin.

 

With that Levi relaxed and realized how silly he had sounded. “Ah, of course you do. Stupid of me to...” he trailed off as he could not help but let the smile spread on his face, covering his eyes with his free hand.

 

“It's ok.” Eren squeezed his hand, scooted closer and kissed him. Levi could taste the spices of his resent meal on his tongue.

 

* * *

 

Next day Erwin came home when he said he would. Levi had spent his free time cleaning the house. At first he had been paranoid that there would be some sort of signs laying around that would tell Erwin that someone else had been there but Levi did not find anything. Neither did Erwin. At least he did not say anything if there was something amiss.

 

Levi had double checked everything what Eren had touched but he had stopped as he noticed he was getting too paranoid. To get himself to stop he had to tell himself that if the house was too clean then Erwin would get suspicious of that too.

 

What would Erwin do if he came to realize his boyfriend was cheating on him behind his back? Would the blond-haired man get angry? Yes, he would but how angry? Would he cry? Levi could not imagine Erwin crying, slobbering all over the floor. Why would he cry because of him? It was not as if their life was perfect. It was a disaster waiting for someone to point it out.

 

Would Erwin just leave in silent fury or just not care at all? Would he demand to know who it was that Levi was sleeping with? Levi almost chuckled as he imagined Erwin going berserk asking who he needed to kill. The young Erwin might have done that but now Levi was not so sure anymore.

 

The only thing he was sure about was that Erwin would chase him out. The blond-haired man might be angry, yell loudly or say nothing but he would still kick him out. That was the thing Levi had to prepare himself for. Not for the way Erwin handled the issue, but for the result of it.

 

When that happened Levi knew he had one option at that exact moment. He would have to go to Eren. He would have nowhere else to go. 


	7. Look one more time, you don't know me at all

 

The weekend after Erwin's return, Levi and Erwin going to spend out of the city. Levi had no idea where they were going to go nor did he really care. Erwin had planned everything out already, following a strict schedule. Levi had stopped trying to give his input years ago. It never seemed to matter what he would have wanted. Sometimes Erwin treated him as if he was a petulant child if he voiced his disagreement.

 

He felt as if Erwin did not see the difference between his natural grumpiness and real annoyance. Now that Levi thought back on it, he realized that Erwin had never seen it. Erwin had never understood his reasons for anything. Levi had become so annoyed with it that he had stopped explaining himself, he had stopped caring if he was understood or not.

 

He could only guess what Erwin saw in him. What was it that Erwin had told him all those years ago? He could not remember. Maybe he should ask him during this weekend and find out. Levi was mildly curious to know what Erwin would say. What were Levi's redeeming qualities?

 

He certainly was not nice, loving or pleasant to be around. Erwin seemed to have some sort of filter against his bad choice of words. Nothing provoked him anymore. Even when Levi tried to get him to take the bait he was blatantly ignored.

 

It infuriated him to no end. What good was there to try to solve anything if Erwin did not even fight with him? He could complain about things till the end of the time but Erwin would just smile and say something like, “I'll think about it.” and nothing got resolved because the man never thought about the issues Levi brought up. He smiled to himself as he thought that maybe revealing his secret would make the man angry. He surely hoped so.

 

Levi was sure Erwin did not care for him. He was starting to believe that Erwin was in the same kind of situation as he was, not knowing how to let go. Living in a dream which they could not wake up from, hoping that some day things would be different.

 

Levi scowled when he saw their destination in front of him. They were at one the most expensive of Spas in the whole region. He did not like people touching him so he could not fathom why Erwin would think he thought that offering massages and such would make him happy.

 

Erwin signed them in and told him that he was free to enjoy himself as much as he wanted to. His business must have been going well if he had money to throw around to something like this. Because that was what it was, throwing money away. Levi thought what Eren would have done with the sum that Levi would spent here in a single weekend. The younger man would probably eat well for a year for the same amount.

 

He could imagine Eren's face in his mind as the younger man would be appalled by this kind of thing. Eren had never asked him to pay for anything and Eren would have probably paid for everything if Levi had not told him that they split meal costs evenly each time no matter who ate what.

 

Levi noticed suddenly that his thoughts had been stolen by Eren and he had not been listening to what Erwin was saying. “What?” he asked dumbly as Erwin was waiting for some sort of answer obviously.

 

“I asked if you'd like to have dinner now or later?” Erwin took a step closer to him as they had arrived to their room. There was a hotel at the spa and they were going to spend the nights there. “I've prepared a little surprise for you which I'm sure you'll like.”

 

Levi really was not so sure he would. “Dinner sounds nice,” he ended up answering as he was actually hungry. Maybe the dinner would take his mind of Eren and he could focus on his actual boyfriend.

 

The dinner was nothing but lavish. The food was excellent but the wine was not as good. Levi ended up whirling it in his glass absent-mindedly as Erwin talked about work and his new projects that he would need to oversee. Levi could not have given rat's ass what Erwin did at work. He could have been talking about banging his new secretary for all he cared. Part of him hoped something like that would happen so he himself would have an excuse to leave Erwin.

 

After dinner Erwin took his hand, leading him back to the hotel room. Levi found it odd. Erwin usually showed his affection only in front of others. Which was complete opposite of what Levi did. Not for one second did he think that Erwin would be doing this because he knew this fact. Not when his hand was dropped as soon as they were back to the room.

 

Levi watched as the blond-haired man turned the TV on and settled down on the bed to watch it. Levi laid down on the other side of the bed, turning his back on the TV and Erwin. He wanted some peace after the heavy dinner and a nap sounded like a really good idea.

 

He was not sure how long he had slept when a hand snaked around his waist, pulling him against a broad chest. Levi did not open his eyes but dutifully kissed Erwin back when his face was turned upwards. He hated the taste of Erwin's mouth and the man misinterpreted his groan of disgust for one of need.

 

Looking at Erwin did nothing to excite Levi and so he kept his eyes closed throughout the sex as much as he could. He imagined that he was with Eren. Eren's hands, body and cock were just a bit bigger than normally. Levi managed to live through a fantasy and let Erwin believe that he had been the one to make him moan and ask for more.

 

* * *

 

 

“What do you see in me?” Levi asked as soon as Erwin stirred from his post-sex sleep.

 

“Why do you ask?” The blond-haired man yawned.

 

“Could you just answer without speaking in riddles.”

 

“Seems to be a silly question to ask,” Erwin replied.

 

“Stop avoiding it,” Levi snapped not wanting to play games.

 

Erwin looked thoughtful for a moment and Levi was certain he would not receive an answer. “You are kind,” Erwin stated.

 

“Pfft,” Levi snorted. “That's it?”

 

“Do I need some other reason?”

 

Levi shrugged. “Guess not.” Erwin's answer had not been what he had expected. He thought Erwin would say something superficial like that he was handsome or he had awesome body or some other bullshit like that. Levi found himself wondering once again what Eren would say to such a question. Probably that he was sexy, hot, or something along those lines. He had seen how the younger man looked at him with fire in his eyes. He could even see it across a room easily. Eren would direct him such a gaze and then someone would talk to him and his eyes would turn gentle, losing the burning passion in them.

 

His thoughts were disrupted by Erwin who got up from the bed and Levi saw him coming back with something in his hand. Erwin gave him a picture of a new sports car. “I bought you this as a birthday present. It awaits you at home when we get back. I sold your old one.”

 

_Wait a minute_ , Levi paused to look at Erwin, to take a really good look at him. He saw nothing on the blond's face that would have told him that he was kidding. Erwin was quite serious about what he said. Levi bit his tongue not to snap back at him that he did not want a new car. His car had been just fine!

 

Was he supposed to say thank you? He wanted to rip the picture and throw the pieces on Erwin's face. He should have known that this was Erwin's way to apologize for not being home for his birthday and not for even calling him personally. Bunch of flowers had been what he had gotten and now a car! A car he had neither asked for nor was even needed.

 

Levi briefly wondered if there had been anything inside his car that might have given away his betrayal. Nothing came to mind if you didn't count the blowjobs but those did not leave marks that he hadn't been able to get rid of.

 

“Thanks,” Levi said, looking at the picture, frowning a bit.

 

“You don't like it?” Was there actual concern in his voice that how could anyone hate a car that probably cost a small fortune? Levi wanted to crash it just to see what kind of face Erwin would make. Would he reprimand him like a child for causing so much trouble?

 

“No, no it's fine.” Levi let the frown disappear, putting the photo away.

 

Erwin scooted closer, cupping Levi's face between his hands. “Then I'm happy when you are,” Erwin said, kissing his cheek lovingly.

 

_Oh Erwin, darling, if you only knew._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That will be the only sex scene mentioned between Erwin and Levi.


	8. I wasn't there, I did not thought of you at all

 

Erwin told him that they would have an anniversary dinner on the February thirteenth. Levi was not looking forward to it at all. It was as if the gods had heard Levi's silent wish when an opportunity to go on a business trip came. The company needed someone to go and have more personal negotiations with one of their partners. Levi saw the date and he had to hold back a smile.

 

“I'll go.”

 

The whole room looked at him as if he had lost his marbles. Levi never volunteered for trips such as these but now he suddenly did. The meeting drew to a close and Levi marked his calendar and he wanted to make a note not to mention it to Erwin either. He would pull his calendar out one day and say to him, _“Oh, I'm sorry. There is a business trip I need to make on that day. I'm so sorry.”_

 

He wanted Erwin to experience the hurt that he had when Erwin had put his work before him, before them. Levi paused briefly. Was this about revenge? Was he just playing around with Eren to get back to Erwin? He did want to see Erwin's face when he would finally realize what Levi had been doing all along. He wanted to hear some emotion coming from the man who claimed to love him and who he was supposed to love back.

 

Like a gift from the heaven's he saw Eren walk into his empty office. The young man had either forgotten that he had been in a meeting or knew exactly when he was coming back from it. Either way Levi made his way into his office, closing the door and locking it behind him. No one would notice a thing going on inside the room as Levi had closed the curtains, preventing anyone from seeing what was going on. He had wanted some peace and quiet earlier and now it worked in his favour once again but in a different way.

 

“Levi, I came to mhmh--”

 

The said man shut Eren up by claiming his lips into a sudden kiss. Levi pushed him against the edge of his desk and Eren sat down on it automatically.

 

Resting his hands on Eren's thighs, Levi said, “You are coming with me.”

 

“What, where?”

 

“I signed up for the stupid trip to talk with those assholes from the factory.” Levi knew that Eren had heard about it. It was always a good topic of discussion in the break room and the office ladies always debated on who would be going this time, every year the same thing. People did not want to go because it required extensive knowledge on the product lines and such. Levi had been pressured to go for years but now he finally saw an opportunity in it.

 

“But...”

 

Levi shot down Eren's attempt to say no. “I said, you are coming with me. I'll sign you off as an assistant. It's not a problem.” He truly did not see any reason for protest on Eren's part.

 

“But can I just leave like that?” Eren sounded confused. Obviously the young man thought he was needed at answering the phone or some other shit like that when all that could be left to Armin and Jean.

 

“Of course you can. This is an opportunity for you to see what this company is all about.” Levi was not sure if Eren wanted to stay in the job for long enough to make use of the information he could gain on the trip. “We'll get to go on a tour inside the factory. You can ask all you want about the making process and such. They'll think we paper pushers are idiots so take everything out of it while you can.” Levi was not lying when he said all of this. If Eren was smart he would keep in mind what he learned. Maybe some day he could take over Levi's job as Levi himself was aiming for promotion in the coming years.

 

Eren nodded and earned a sweet kiss from Levi. “We'll be gone for two days. Make sure you water your plants before we leave.”

 

“I don't have any plants,” Eren was amused by his words.

 

“Hmm,” Levi hummed as he placed a kiss on Eren's jaw. “Then do whatever it is that you need to do before we leave. We are leaving on thirteenth, in the morning. I'll pick you up at six.” His hands rose to Eren's hips and he tugged himself closer to him.

 

“That's early,” Eren did not sound like he was complaining but then again Levi's mouth on his neck could have something to do with that.

 

Levi scrapped his teeth on the skin, making sure his touch was light enough not to leave any marks that could not be passed as basic scratch marks.“We got a two hour drive ahead of us.”

 

Eren's hands were lightly pushing against his shoulders as the young man tried to find a better sitting position for himself. Levi was tempted to just chuck of whatever he had on the desk and lay the young man on it.

 

“Didn't the meeting began at ten?” Eren asked, gasping when Levi's hand worked its way into his pants.

 

“Why do you think I'll come pick you up so early?” Levi let Eren answer that question on his own as he sunk on his knees in front of Eren.

 

* * *

 

 

Erwin's face did not betray anything when Levi told him that he would not be able to make it to their anniversary dinner. He just conveniently forgot to mention the fact until it was just a day away. Levi was leaving with Eren on the next morning. That was also a fact that Levi failed at mentioning. Not that Erwin would have thought anything amiss even if he did. It was a business trip after all.

 

“I'll cancel the reservation then,” Erwin said.

 

Levi could almost hear the blame in his voice. Erwin must have been thinking that he was being inconsiderate. There must have been something there. Levi shook his head as soon as Erwin had left him alone. That man did not even know how to tell him that he was disappointed. Maybe Erwin did not dare to? Or maybe he had just given up, just like Levi himself.

 

Either way, Levi did not spend any more thoughts on the matter as next morning he took the small suitcase where he had packed some clothes and personal items to last for two days, and left to get Eren. He made sure the young man was awake by calling him as soon as he sat inside his new car. He had to admit that the car was fast, maybe a bit too much aggressive for his tastes but he was sure Eren would be begging to have a chance to drive.

 

“Oh my god,” were the first first Eren said when he saw the car.

 

“Close your mouth and get in.” Levi impatiently waited for the young man to make up his mind about either staring the car or getting into it.

 

“Is this new?” Eren asked as he looked around and noticed how unused the seats were and the smell of fresh leather still lingered inside the car.

 

“Yeah,” Levi said focusing on the traffic. “Thought I'd treat myself,” he lied. He was not going to tell Eren how or why he got the car.

 

“I'm jealous.” Eren also sounded so.

 

Levi smirked as they made their way to the highway. “If you are a good boy then maybe I'll let you drive.” He was sure Eren would have loved to drive his old car as well.

 

Eren was beyond giddy. “I'll do anything you want!”

 

Levi had intended to make Eren drive half of the way anyway but how could he throw away this golden opportunity for getting a favour or two out of it?

 

* * *

 

 

Levi was more than happy with the two days he spent with Eren. They shared a hotel room which had two beds. They ended up using only one of them but Eren, who wanted to make sure it looked as if they had slept in both, messed up the other bed just in case. Eren did not want to leave any evidence behind that would raise questions. Levi told him he was being paranoid but in his mind he agreed and understood Eren's reasoning. One could never be too careful.

 

He let Eren drive for the first hour on their way back home. Eren had a faint blush on his cheeks as he drove, evidently excited to be in the reigns of the car once more. Levi watched his lively face and thought how utterly cute the young man looked at that moment. Eren talked to him with his just as lively voice. Eren had liked the trip to the factory, that much was obvious by the way he kept wondering about some aspects of it.

 

Levi knew already about everything Eren was talking about but he made no effort to stop him. He wanted to have this moment of completely drowning in his presence and voice.

 

Eren noticed him staring a bit too intensively. “You have that look on your face again.”

 

“What look?”

 

“That.” Eren glanced between him and the road several times. “Ah, now it's gone.”

 

“Pull over,” Levi said suddenly causing Eren to have a questioning look on his face. Eren did as he asked, stopping at a random bus stop somewhere between where they left and where they were going.

 

Levi was sitting side ways, he had taken his shoes off as he loved to relax in a car by crossing a leg under the other. “What do you see in me?” He asked Eren the same question he had asked Erwin but Erwin was the last thing on his mind right now.

 

Eren hesitated. “Is this serious type of question or just for the laughs?”

 

Levi did not answer him, looking at him calmly and waiting for an answer. His expression must have been enough for Eren to deduce he wanted a serious answer.

 

Eren looked away and a gentle smile spread on his lips. “When I first met you I thought that 'wow, what a cool guy!',” Eren chuckled as he was deep in his thoughts. “I think you are like a rose with thorns, you know. Anyone who tries to touch you might get stung.” Trust Eren to go all poetic on him. “Then I came to notice that you had no thorns when you were with me and that was attractive as hell. Maybe I got a bit selfish thinking that it would be my chance at something real. That if I made you see that you were missing your thorns then maybe you'd realize that I might be worth of something too.”

 

“Did you take a poetry course in school?”

 

“No, I've just had a long time to think about this.”

 

So Eren thought that he had his walls down when he was in his presence and Levi realized indeed that it was true to some extent. He had not been able to be honestly mad at the young man ever even when he screwed up at work. Something in those eyes of his made his cold anger melt. He had always had a soft spot for Eren. Maybe that was the reason why he so easily gave into him when Eren had come to put some serious moves on him.

 

It had always been there, the attraction.

 

Levi smiled, tugging at Eren's sleeve. He leaned forward on his seat and Eren took the hint, meeting his lips in a kiss in the half way.

 

Maybe the attraction would be here longer than Levi had thought.

 

 


	9. Without saying a thing about itself it has to come to light soon

 

Levi could not believe it that Erwin had not noticed anything. Nothing had changed between them, not essentially. Although Levi had stopped paying attention to Erwin. It was not unusual of them not to discuss where they were going each time either of them left the house.

 

As Erwin was doing now.

 

Levi did not ask if he was going to be home for dinner.

 

Erwin worked late most of the nights and it seemed the other man had come to take Levi's silence as a sign of acceptance. Levi took the liberty of going to see Eren when he noticed that Erwin was not at home when he was about to have dinner. Instead of cooking some he called Eren to ask if he wanted to have one with him.

 

More than once Levi had come to suggest that they could cook something or order something from the local pizzeria. Eren did not directly oppose ordering take-out but he demanded to be the one to call. Giving into Eren's paranoia he let the young man do the ordering as Eren was sure the pizzeria was the the town's gossip hub. The notion was ridiculous but Eren was being adamant and Levi saw no harm in indulging him in these silly requests. After all his argument that the guy who took the order in was not the same guy who delivered the pizza fell on deaf ears.

 

This was the way he came to realize Eren believed in conspiracy theories.

 

That night Levi laid awake, thinking how much he had wanted to be over at the cozy small apartment that smelled like life. That was the only way for him to describe how he felt each time he set his foot inside Eren's home. He was at ease, warm and welcomed. Eren wanted him there. It was in the way he smiled at him or the way they cuddled on the couch watching a movie. Levi even had come to enjoy the Monday's when Eren insisted they snacked their food while watching TV. Levi was surprised how Eren managed to eat his burritos and whatever else he was having, without getting the sauces and crumbs everywhere.

 

Levi looked to his left. Erwin slept on without a worry. Levi looked at him and wondered what he was doing here? Erwin was just... Erwin. Levi did not love him anymore.

 

Levi blinked.

 

The feeling he thought had been love was only compassion. He might have at one point been in love with him but now in the darkness of the night he could admit that what he was feeling towards Eren was much closer to love than what he had ever had with Erwin. Romantic love that is. Erwin had always been an important friend and that was he really was right now, a friend. When Levi had been desperate for acceptance and someone to care about him, Erwin had been there, giving him what he needed. They had settled into a pattern that they now called life.

 

He wondered how long it would take Erwin to notice he was not seeking his attention anymore. He no longer curled up to his side when they watched TV during those few nights they were actually home at the same time. How long until Erwin noticed he did not ask for sex.

 

Levi was not sure if he could stomach having sex with Erwin again. He didn't really know what he would do if he was confronted about it. There were limits to his fantasizing skills after all. Last time he had managed to fool Erwin into thinking nothing was wrong. Heck, he had managed to fool himself as well. It had been the day he was grateful for not being one to talk much in bed.

 

His mind wandered back to Eren, who certainly liked to talk. Eren loved to see him unable to answer his weird questions, teasing him about it relentlessly. Levi liked to think of nothing but Eren when he was with him in more intimate situations. He did not care for conversation but Eren's words drove him mad sometimes. Promises of him taking Levi away from here.

 

Somewhere far away.

 

* * *

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you and your ability to understand that this does not go into the Manufacturing folder!” Levi had slammed a pile of papers in front of Jean. Levi was feeling frustrated to see mistakes such as these happen at all.

 

“It wasn't me who organized that file. It was Jaeger,” Jean said with a scowl on his face, not backing down even when Levi was shouting at him.

 

Levi narrowed his eyes. “Really?” His gaze landed on Eren and he slowly turned his head towards his as well. “Jaeger, in my office,” he commanded and briskly walked away not waiting for him.

 

Levi left the door open after himself, expecting Eren to close it.

 

When he heard him do so, he said, “Where is your head if you make a simple mistake like this?” The mistake was not great but in the long run papers being in wrong folders created not so desirable effect of chaos.

 

Not hearing Eren answer, he whirled around to look at him. Eren was looking at him clearly not intimidated by him at all. Someone else would have been sorry for his actions but not Eren. The young man looked at him with tenderness in his eyes which made Levi swallow uncomfortably. He was supposed to be mad at him but Eren's eyes, more powerful that any puppy's, made him second guess his emotions.

 

Levi sighed heavily. He did not know what to do with Eren. What was he supposed to do about any of this? If this thing with Eren blew over then everything would become awkward at work. Levi might even ask for transfer if that was to come true. He would run to the end of the world to get the hell away from Eren and these feelings that were trying to take over his heart. Why was he panicking over this right now?

 

“I thought of you.”

 

Levi turned around, walking to his desk to sit down. He needed to calm down. “That much is obvious.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

So now Eren was sorry for day dreaming? What a little shit for thinking everything would be forgiven just because he had some perverted thoughts while he worked, while he was supposed to do this job!

 

“Eren, You need to get a grip. This sort of thing cannot happen even if this was not a major flaw, something bigger can go wrong because of you spending your time in some fantasy land inside your head.” He almost added that they would end this all if Eren did not stop this dreaming business right away. His tongue burned with the words fighting their way out but he bit on it, not wanting to give Eren even more reason to slack at his job.

 

As he was sure that Eren would not rebound well from a break up with him. Not if anything the brat had said to him was true. Levi had no choice but to wait if Eren made the decision for him. If some day the brat wanted to end this, it would be up to him. Levi would swim along the current as long as he could while having Erwin on the shore with a life buoy. Levi had someone to return to if he so wished. It was not relevant if he really wanted Erwin at that point or not.

 

“I'll try my best.”

 

“No more screw ups,” Levi said firmly. He waved his hand dismissively but Eren did not budge. “Get out,” he insisted.

 

“Levi,” the younger man said in a way that demanded Levi's attention. His name had been said with a purpose behind it. “I'm in love with you.”

 

The lump came back to Levi's throat. How was he supposed to react to this? He had been more than aware that this was the state of things. Eren was in love, so was he but he could not admit it. It would give Eren too much power over him. It would give him a reason to pressure him out of the situation he was in with Erwin. It would give him the leverage to have him make a rash decision about the future of their relationship, good or bad.

 

“That doesn't justify day dreaming, Eren.” He expected Eren to back down, leave the room and possibly even cry when Levi did not react the way he wanted him to. That was what would have been normal. That was what everyone else would have done.

 

But not Eren.

 

Eren marched up to him, yanking him into a rough kiss.

 

Eren's eyes gleamed as he looked into Levi's. “I will make you admit it.” Eren let him go, and walked away without a backward glance.

 

Levi was not sure exactly how screwed he was. When he had wished Eren to calm down, it seemed he had lighten some mysterious fire inside him. It was frightening that Eren knew he was having feelings for him. It was more frightening than going up to Erwin and telling him that he had been screwing someone else for the last few months behind his back. Yes, that he would be able to take but not the knowledge that Eren Jaeger could crush his heart in small stomp if he so wished. 

 


	10. I don't tell the truth to anyone

 “How's the car?”

 

Levi raised his gaze from the morning paper that he rarely read but this morning he had woken up a few minutes too early and could care less going to work any earlier than he had to. But now Erwin was asking about the car. First thing that came into Levi's mind was that Erwin had gone through snooping it. But that was absurd thought, right?

 

“It's nice,” Levi said, sipping his tea, returning his gaze on the article he had been reading.

 

“Maybe I could take it for a spin tonight?”

 

Levi wondered about why would Erwin even ask when he could take the keys by the door any time. “Yeah, sure,” Levi shrugged, not looking away from the newspaper. He briefly thought if Eren had remembered to pick up all of his things the last time they had used the car for something else than driving. That brat could have easily dropped a sock or something else somewhere, the clumsy fool. This made Levi consider cleaning the car as soon as possible just to make sure.

 

“You've been working late recently,” Erwin stated.

 

It took Levi a split second to come up with an acceptable lie. “There's a project that needs some extra hours from everyone.” The only project he had was keeping Eren from declaring his love in front of the whole world. The brat seemed to believe he lived in some romance movie. Yesterday Levi had received flowers, yet again, this time accompanied by a box of chocolate as well. The girls had had a field day with guessing who it was. Hanji had given him disapproving glances whole day.

 

Erwin nodded understandingly, his smile full of sympathy. He was so understanding when it came to work and business. If only he had been more understanding on emotional level as well. Levi would have done almost anything to achieve that bliss of having a loving husband coming home to him but that dream was long past. They had never talked about getting married. Levi had waited and waited but rather than asking, he had chosen to observe if Erwin had any such thoughts, if anything indicated towards that last bit of commitment. Levi had eventually noticed that he had been waiting for years for something that would never happen.

 

“You have long day today as well?”

 

Levi considered saying yes but then again he he did not want to see Eren tonight. He had avoided him yesterday too. After Eren's confession he had tried to put some distance between them. So far it had worked fine. He had managed to escape from work little early when Eren had been on an errand that Levi himself had send him on. He knew he was unfair but he needed some time by himself, especially now. “If you want to have the car, I can come home earlier.” As if Erwin knew that he could have been home all evening yesterday but just to run away from Eren he had driven to an abandoned beach. He had spent few hours there, sitting on the pier and thinking about this shitty situation of his.

 

Thought of regret had lingered on his mind. He regretted so many things in his life that it was hard for him to appreciate the good little things. The good thing being Eren even if his current behavior was causing small amount of anxiety in Levi. Maybe he should not have started this, whatever this was between them. If Eren's confession was any indication, then the young man was much more invested in this that Levi was.

 

“ _I'll make you admit it.”_

 

Levi was scared. He admitted that much. Oh how he wanted to believe in Eren and that his feelings would last. He wanted that silly romance movie like ending where suddenly everything would become clear and he would realize that Eren was the one and they'd live happily ever after. But that did not work in real life, now did it? There was no way for him to know if leaving Erwin was worth it. Although he would not really lose anything even if he did and that also sounded frightening.

 

Levi realized in truth he had nothing. Except his stereos, those would be the only thing he'd take with him if he left. Erwin didn't appreciate them anyway. They looked ugly in the living room or so he had said when Levi had bought them. Levi had not given a damn about what Erwin thought looked ugly. At least his stereos provided him with a feeling of relief when he could listen to whatever he wanted while being home alone.

 

“It's no that important,” Erwin said, getting Levi's attention back to the present moment. _Like nothing else seems to be either._

 

* * *

 

Of course Eren picked up on his attempts to avoid him as Levi had expected him to. The brat had him cornered in his own office, standing in front of the closed door. There was no escape.

 

“Are you coming over tonight?” Eren's question was somewhat cautious.

 

“No.” Levi kept on typing on a report that needed to be done within the next two days.

 

“Has Erwin noticed something?”

 

“No.” Where were all these questions coming from?

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“No.” How could he be sure of what Erwin knew or thought? He hardly spoke to the man about anything other than news, weather or other bullshit like that.

 

“Then how can you be so calm?” Eren was one to worry about everything, wasn't he?

 

Levi raised his gaze from the screen to the young man and said pointedly, “Because if he knows then he will tell me, eventually.”

 

The young man was silent for a moment. Levi was hoping he had given up already but no. Eren's next words came as a surprise. “You don't love me back.”

 

Nevertheless Levi had waited for something like this to happen. Levi sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Look, Eren--” he started but the young man was once again faster than him.

 

“I get it!” the determination shone through his words. “You want me to back off because you are scared that you might have feelings for me.” Eren stared at Levi, waiting him to deny it. How could Eren even know that he had any sort of affection towards him? Levi had thought that he had been hiding it well, not letting anything through to keep himself detached, to be able to jump the ship when needed. Damn brat.

 

“I don't love you,” his voice was calm, collected and cold. He could only hope his face was that also. Levi knew he had failed as he watched Eren's reaction. The young man did not seem surprised by his answer at all. Eren narrowed his eyes, squinting at him as if it would make Levi spill all his secrets at him.

 

“As I said before,” Eren said just as calmly. “I will make you admit it.”

 

“Is that some sort of catch phrase of yours?”

 

Eren ignored his lousy joke and walked up to him. “Why are you denying it?” He leaned across the desk, making Levi want to move backwards but he didn't. He stood his ground and would continue to do so no matter how close Eren came. “You can try and pull off this cold indifference act but your eyes betray you.”

 

Levi's hands curled into fists as he swallowed uncomfortably.

 

“Wouldn't it be time for you to stop lying to yourself and move on?” Eren's keen eyes were too keen for his own good.

 

Levi looked away, down at their hands that were only inches apart on the desk surface.

 

“Erwin will never--”

 

“Enough!” Levi bellowed, slamming his fists against the desk. “You do not know a thing about Erwin that qualifies you to tell me what he will never do or say.”

 

That shut Eren's mouth, his lips pressed in a thin line.

 

“Besides,” Levi took a deep breath. “Erwin works late. He won't notice a thing.” Now this was a complete lie. Each time as Levi had come home from Eren's, his boyfriend had been home already. The first time Levi had felt a small amount of panic over the possibility that Erwin would ask where he had been. But he hadn't until this morning. So Levi knew that if Erwin truly knew about their secret love affair, as he hated to call it, then he would ask Levi about it. Well asking was what he hoped Erwin would do rather than get physical. He would never know until the shit hit the fan.

 

“Why are you not coming over then?”

 

Levi wanted to sigh again but resisted the urge to do so. “Erwin needs the car.”

 

“Are you sleeping with him?”

 

Where did these sudden questions come from, for heaven's sake?!

 

Eren looked serious. Levi pondered what he should answer and his silence spoke for itself.

 

“So you are.”

 

“He _is_ my boyfriend after all.” Levi would not right now admit that he had slept with Erwin only once since he had started sleeping with Eren. That would only give Eren a needed boost of confidence that Levi could deal without.

 

“Leave him.”

 

Levi was speechless. Several expressions went across his face as he tried to figure out where to begin with this demand. “Eren...” Levi let that repressed sigh past his lips. “It's not that simple.”

 

“It is. Just walk out. You are not happy, everyone can see that! Even Hanji said that.”

 

“Don't listen to a word Hanji says,” Levi said sternly. He did not need that meddlesome woman interfering with this. “She is more likely to call Erwin than anyone else. She knows even if she hasn't been told.”

 

Look of horror passed over Eren's pretty face. “Why haven't you told me she knows?!”

 

“I didn't tell you exactly for this reason. Calm down. She probably won't say a thing if we keep a low profile. She doesn't know the extent of the things we have done and as long as she doesn't, she won't do anything.” Levi felt like they were a pair of criminals discussing the possibility of getting caught. In a sense they were.

 

Eren did not look convinced. “If you are sure about that...” he trailed off biting his lower lip.

 

“I am sure. Relax.”

 

It was easier said than done. 

 


	11. You still don't know I have another man

Levi hated unexpected things with passion.

 

“Come with me,” Erwin said when Levi handed him the car keys to the newest addition to their garage. “I'd like the company and you are not going to do anything else tonight, right?”

 

Levi so wanted to tell Erwin that he would have wanted to visit his lover tonight. He would have wanted to give Eren all sorts of reasons to plead him to leave Erwin and to make that young man prove to him that life would be so much better in his arms. Those thoughts scared him and he mentally shook his head as he answered Erwin, “Alright, why not.”

 

Levi should have known that there was a reason behind Erwin wanting to loan his car. They had not been driving for long before Erwin pulled up to a fancy restaurant. “Let's have dinner. It's been a while since we ate and spend a night out like this.” Erwin turned the ignition off. “You haven't eaten yet, have you?” This was what Erwin was good at, making him do things he did not exactly want to or asked for. There rarely was no a reason to say no to him, Erwin always managed to turn the arguments in his favor.

 

Erwin seemed to forget that it was not that long when they had gone to that trip together but then again Levi could see his point. They hardly ever went eating out anymore. Erwin's schedule had prevented that which made Levi suspicious of why now Erwin suddenly had the time.

 

The dinner was nice as always in a good quality restaurant. Erwin told Levi all about his day during the dinner, of course asking politely how Levi's day had been but the shorter man had not elaborated in his answer anymore than saying, “It was a normal day.”

 

Right now Levi was standing pressed against to Erwin's side, the man's arm around his shoulders, holding him there in his firm hold. They had been about to leave the restaurant when they ran into Nile Dawk, an old friend of Erwin's. Levi had never liked the man. Maybe it was the beard, who knew? Levi secretly wished Eren would never grow a beard. But such thoughts were quickly hushed away when he met Nile's gaze. The man looked at him with suspicious eyes as if he could see exactly what he was and all his secrets. No wonder the man was a cop. He terrified Levi at this very moment.

 

“Nile!” Erwin exclaimed surprised to see the man. “How have you been?” The men shook hands like old friends had a habit of doing.

 

Levi did not offer his hand for shaking nor did Nile ask for it.

 

As the two men conversed Levi tried to relax and not appear too stiff. He only wanted to get back home as soon as possible and into a warm shower. He needed a moment alone, where he could lower his walls if only for a few minutes.

 

“You guys still have not tied the knot?”

 

Levi went rigid. This was a bad direction for a conversation and he did not like it. Nile and his stupid ass beard.

 

Erwin looked at Levi. “I guess we have never really talked about that, have we?” he was voice held softness that he usually used in private.

 

“No,” Levi curtly answered. He knew Nile was once again looking at him with those piercing eyes of his but Levi refused to look at him. He made conscious effort to move his gaze from Erwin's face to the painting on the wall of the restaurant entrance hall.

 

“Erwin, you have been together longer than me and Marie,” Nile reprimanded his blond friend.

 

Levi almost wanted to inject something into the conversation but it was not worth it anymore. He tried not to fidget.

 

_Do not show your wish to leave. Don't give anyone any reason to suspect anything, the least of all Erwin._

 

Levi looked up to see Erwin smile at Nile. “Indeed we have,” Erwin said and gave Levi's shoulder a light squeeze. If it was meant to be reassuring then it didn't work. Levi was as stiff as ever. He could not relax when the topic was something he did not want to discuss with Erwin.

 

“It was nice to see you again,” Nile finally said, shaking Erwin's hand one more time before excusing himself from their company.

 

The drive home was silent and as soon as they were back home, Levi walked into the bedroom, shedding his tie and his belt off. He put these two items hang into the closet were he would find them in the morning. It made him shudder as he thought how Erwin had given him three different belts as gifts to go with each tone of his suits that he used for work. Levi would have been happy with just one but for years he had done as Erwin asked and wore them accordingly.

 

Levi was taking his shirt off when Erwin walked up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and breathing in his scent by nuzzling his hair.

 

Levi tried to shrug him off but that was a futile attempt. “I'm not in the mood.” He hoped his excuse was enough. Erwin never did anything like this unless he really wanted to get naked and wrestle intimately on the bed.

 

Erwin chuckled, the bastard. “Is there anything I can do to change this mood?” The man's hands moved on his body as if he had every right to do so even when Levi refused him.

 

Levi sighed uncomfortably. “Erwin.” He wanted to get away. An unpleasant shiver ran on his skin. His mind wandered to Eren and he subconsciously bit his low lip as he thought how he wanted those hands belong to him. At least those hands would not make his skin crawl. Levi would feel free in a way that he had never experienced with Erwin. Since they had gotten together Erwin had always pushed his little opinions about appearance on him. Levi had started taking care of himself the way Erwin wanted him to, keeping his hair cut to a certain length and making sure he would never have stubble on his face.

 

Hell, he even shaved his leg hair because of the man. Levi knew he had to get out of this relationship. Being with Eren and seeing how the young man did not ask him to do anything about his appearance. Eren had even commented on his shaved legs, carefully, that it was a bit odd thing to do. Eren had told him that he was fine the way he was when the young man had seen him early in the morning hair out of place and a small stubble threatening to grow on his face. Levi had felt twisted, a freak for wanting to please his lover as he had almost panicked about being seen in that messy state. He had always thought it was normal to do such things for someone else.

 

“Yes?” The man pressed a kiss on his bare shoulder, appearing gentle but Levi knew better. Erwin was one for satisfying his own needs first. A small fact that annoyed the hell out of Levi. Sex was a game to Erwin and the rules changed depending on his whims.

 

“I'm really tired,” Levi said and it was not untrue. Levi had been fooled into a long dinner after a long day of trying to calm Eren and his nerves. Last thing on his mind was having any kind of intimacy with Erwin. “Let me go,” Levi demanded. “I need to take a shower.” If this last attempt of running away did not work then Levi was not going to held back as he would fight his way out of Erwin's embrace. Levi was giving Erwin a chance to let him go peacefully.

 

“Alright,” Erwin finally said accompanied by a soft sigh. His hands left Levi's body alone as he took a step back.

 

Levi's eyes fell shut for a second as he held back his own sigh but that being a of relief. But things were not that simple, not now nor would they ever be. It was only a matter of time before Erwin figured this whole shit out.

 

“You have been distant ever since January.” Erwin was perhaps referring to their trip? Levi could not be certain.

 

“I've had a lot of work. I thought you'd understand that.”

 

“But it has been getting easier now?”

 

How could Levi deny that when he had said so himself. “Slightly,” he gave a vague answer. He went to the linen closet, taking a fresh towel in his hands. He'd strip rest of his clothes in the bathroom.

 

He was leaving the bedroom but then Erwin said something that he had not expected to hear. “I love you, Levi.”

 

What had he said about hating unexpected things? He would have thought that Erwin would have felt completely different after all this time but it seemed the man thought that Levi was pushing him away because of him not actually showing his love. If that was what Erwin was thinking then he was damn right but Erwin should have done something like this years ago.

 

Levi thought this was it and took a few steps before the next words Erwin spoke made him freeze.

 

“Let's get married.”

 


	12. If I make everything worse on purpose, maybe you'd want to leave quickly

Levi stood still, his back facing his long time partner as he tried to decide between what kind of reaction he was supposed to make and what kind of he wanted to. The anger bubbling underneath his facade won. He turned fully around to face Erwin, locking his eyes on his and said, “No.”

 

The look of surprise overtook Erwin's face. “Why not?”

 

“Why the hell would we...” Levi gripped the dirty shirt in his hand. How could Erwin even think that was a good idea? “No,” Levi said again.

 

“No?”

 

“I will not marry you.” Levi hoped Erwin would pick up the finality in his tone.

 

The fight was coming. Levi was getting mentally prepared to say a few harsh words if needed be.

 

“Have I done something to upset you?”

 

Levi could not believe this. Erwin was pinning this whole thing under immaturity of Levi's. “You gotta be kidding me,” Levi breathed out. “No, I simply do not want to marry you, Erwin.” Oh how Levi wanted to tell him that he had someone better on the side who would not leave him hanging for ten years. “Maybe if you had asked me years ago I might have said yes.”

 

“Years ago? What has changed then?”

 

“We have,” Levi said curtly. “Everything.”

 

Erwin did not seem to grasp what he meant. “I still love you the same way as I always have, Levi.”

 

“No, you don't. I've become a furniture to this household. You take me for granted.” Erwin did not pay attention to him. If Levi wore the same expressions, the same outfits and kept quiet, Erwin would not even notice his existence.

 

“Levi, that is not true,” Erwin reassured him and took a step toward him.

 

“Yes it is and don't try to deny it!” Levi raised his voice. “You think that some flowers and fancy cars make me happy. When was the last time you actually asked me what would make me feel appreciated? When was the last time you stopped and asked me if I needed anything?” There, he said it but Erwin did not seem to react. “How am I supposed to know if you have not found someone else? You have women flocking themselves at you and you could take your pick!” Now he was unfair, he knew that much. Truth to be told he had no idea if Erwin had ever looked at another but Erwin did not seem to rise to the bait.

 

Erwin was quiet for a moment until he said, “You never seem to need anything so I did not think I needed to ask. I'm sorry if I have hurt your feelings.”

 

Levi snorted. “Oh please, just let it be. Let _me_ be,” he said, turning to walk to the bathroom.

 

“Levi!” Erwin was obviously not done talking. He even crossed the distance between them, grabbing hold of Levi's arm.

 

“What the fuck, let me go!”

 

“Not until you listen to me,” Erwin sounded determined.

 

“Fuck you! I'm not listening to a word you say. I'm not going to marry you and that's that!”

 

“I'll make it up to you whatever it is that I have done wrong.”

 

“No, Erwin.” Levi took a deep breath that he let out as he said the next words, “I think we need some time off.” He really wanted to end this conversation.

 

Erwin's hold slackened but only for a moment. “Just because you said no to my proposal?”

 

“No, what is it that would make it go through your head that I do not want to spent the rest of my life with you!” The words just came out, surprising even Levi himself.

 

“What?” The shock was evident on Erwin's face. Levi could not blame him one bit.

 

“Let me go,” Levi said quietly, yanking against on the tight hold that Erwin had. Levi was running away, he knew that. He had not meant to say it out loud, to admit that he wanted to get out of this relationship with Erwin.

 

“Levi, explain to me what you mean by that?” Erwin sounded like an angry school teacher, demanding an answer from a petulant child.

 

Levi looked down at his feet, nudging his arm to see if he could get free. “Never mind, let me go, Erwin.”

 

“Levi! You cannot say something like that and then feign ignorance that you did not just say it. Do you want to leave me?”

 

“Yes, no, I don't know!” A deafening silence followed his words. Levi did not dare to look at Erwin. He did not want to see the anger or the hurt in his eyes. At least those were the things he thought would be there if he did take a peek.

 

“I think you are overreacting. Give it some thought and maybe then you can give me your answer properly,” Erwin finally said, this time sounding a lot more calm than before.

 

Levi was so angry. He forcefully yanked himself free. “I already told you I do not want to marry you. End of discussion.” With that he marched into the bathroom, slamming the door shut, locking it quickly. He drowned his angry tears and anything Erwin might have said to him after that under the running water.

 

Levi did not see Erwin when he came out of the shower but he heard that the TV was on. Levi did not check the living room. He had a different goal. He made his way to the bedroom and dressed himself, drying himself off carefully. He picked the most comfortable clothes he could out of his wardrobe dictated mostly by Erwin.

 

Somehow Levi could not imagine himself going to bed with Erwin tonight. He did not know how he could sleep next to Erwin after this stupid fight. Erwin would undoubtedly want to reassure Levi that he loved him and how he had nothing to fear. What Erwin had said to him made it very clear that he would love to pressure Levi into marriage. Most probably just because Erwin seemed to think that marriage was the right thing to do at this point.

 

Levi was not having any of that and so without making a hassle about it he packed a bag, collecting various personal things into it that he would need. Erwin had yet to notice but Levi knew it was only a matter of time before the blond-haired man would appear before him, wanting to talk.

 

When Levi was done with packing, he took the bag and walked to the living room where he did find Erwin as he predicted. When he did not come further into the room Erwin turned to look at him.

 

“Where are you going?” Erwin asked when he saw the bag on Levi's hand.

 

“I'll go and stay with Petra for a few days.” Yeah right. He would go to Petra only if Eren did not want him.

 

“Why?”

 

“I need some time to think,” Levi said. He did not want to start the fight again.

 

Erwin had the audacity to smile at him as if he understood what he meant. The bastard was probably imagining that Levi was feeling nervous because of the marriage proposal and wanted to consider it. Fuck Erwin and his thoughts.

 

Levi did not bid him farewell as he left. He breathed more easily as soon as he stepped outside of the house. He made his way to his car at the same time as he called Eren.

 

“Levi!” the young man answered enthusiastically as if they had not talked to each other for weeks. Eren was probably happy to hear him call after the stressful day they had had. The young man was in love so a call from Levi would be the best thing to receive after... well they hadn't exactly fought, just exchanged some hushed words.

 

Trying to sound as casual as he could Levi said, “Hi, listen, could I crash at your place for a few days?”

 

“Of course you can,” Eren said, his enthusiasm not waning at all.

 

Levi felt relieved that Eren did not ask what for, at least not yet. “Alright, I'll be there in a few minutes.” He had not really expected Eren to say no to his request.

 

“I'll be waiting,” Eren chirped suggestively before hanging up.

 

Levi smiled as he turned the key in the ignition. The damn brat was feeling horny, wasn't he? Levi almost wanted to tell him how Eren always managed to cheer him up without really trying. Some hot sex would do the trick and put his mind at ease for a while. He could forget this whole marriage fiasco and maybe later come up with a way to tell Erwin exactly why he did not want to marry him.

 

But tonight had shown him that Erwin was not exactly willing to listen him even when he told he wanted to leave him. Levi needed to form a battle plan. He needed to make Erwin see that their relationship was not worth the fight, that Levi was not worth it. It was becoming clear to him now that he wanted to give Eren a chance. Erwin's proposal had snapped something inside him and it made him finally realize he, indeed, did not want to spend the rest of his life with Erwin.

 

Slowly but surely he would walk away from his old life with the blond man into a new and unpredictable one with Eren and it excited Levi to no end.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 was taken down. I'll re-write it a bit when I can.


	13. Don't you see at all how worthless I am?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took a while. I had to re-write this a bit. Nah, I did a complete overhaul on some things.

 

“Did something happen?” Eren asked as they were snuggling on the couch under a blanket. The show that Eren had wanted to watch had just ended. The only light source in the room was the flickering TV screen.

 

Levi turned to Eren who looked handsome in the eerie light. “What do you mean?”

 

“Well, you don't normally come to spend the night unless you are home alone and you have not mentioned anything about that.” Eren was not looking back at Levi as if he might lose his nerve to ask if he did. In other words Eren was asking if Levi had had a fight with Erwin.

 

Levi thought for a moment if he could just claim that Erwin was gone off to a spontaneous business trip or something like that but he knew he would have to eventually tell Eren what was going on. After all, Levi did not want to build another relationship where he would not feel comfortable enough to tell his partner what was on his mind. “Erwin asked me to marry him,” he said bluntly. There was no point to dance around with fancy wordings.

 

Levi expected Eren to say something, maybe even shout at him in his reckless way. He had expected Eren to straight away try and make him say 'no' to that proposal. He expected any type of words come out of Eren's mouth but none did. Instead the young man grabbed him, holding him tight in his arms, pushing their foreheads together.

 

But Levi did not need to be disappointed by this reaction, no. He could have taken this a sign that Eren was giving up, resigning to his fate but what he saw in Eren's eyes was that eternal fire of determination. He was not going to let Levi go. It warmed Levi as if he had come inside to a warm house from the cold outside world. This caused Levi to say, “I'm not going to, though.”

 

His words earned him a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. Then on his right cheekbone. Then on his left cheekbone.

 

A small smile crept itself on Levi's face. He basked in the loving gentleness that Eren showed him. He felt like he was treating himself to something rare. Maybe these kinds of things would become a normal in his life instead of a treat. Was it so bad to ask for someone to show him some gentleness without him asking for it?

 

Eren sighed as he lowered his mouth gently against Levi's neck.

 

The older man was still waiting for him to say something. “Speak to me, Eren. I want to hear what is on your mind.”

 

What Eren said to him confirmed his suspicions. “You can't marry him.”

 

“I said I won't,” Levi reaffirmed his previous statement.

 

“Did you tell that to Erwin?” Eren asked carefully, possibly scared for the answer Levi was going to give him.

 

“Yes.”

 

Eren let out an obvious sigh of relief. Levi knew that Eren tried not to step on his toes but Levi would not have been surprised if he had.

 

“If you were not in my life, I would most likely marry him.” As soon as the words left his mouth Levi grimaced and said, “That sounded too cheesy.”

 

Soft laughter bubbled out of Eren, his breath warm against Levi's skin. Eren remained silent for a moment, his arms loosening around Levi. Instead of letting go, Eren nudged Levi closer. He lifted Levi's legs over his lap, his other arm tugging him closer by his waist.

 

Levi complied, wrapping his arm around Eren's neck to comfortably sit sideways in his lap.

 

Eren re-arranged the blankets around them. “What did Erwin say?”

 

So Eren expected that there had been some harsh words said? “What makes you think he said anything?”

 

“Because you are here,” Eren stated the obvious.

 

Levi almost smiled at how Eren kept his voice neutral as he talked about Erwin. It must have been hurting the young man to keep talking about him.

 

“I just thought that if it didn't bother you, you wouldn't be here.” Eren's eyes were downcast, looking at something, but what, Levi didn't know. “I'm curious that's all.”

 

Levi sighed and he relaxed fully against Eren, wrapping his arms more comfortably around him. “I told him I would not marry him. He didn't take it all too well.” Levi expected Eren to respond with worry-filled questions but the young man only waited for him to continue. “Erwin seems to think I am just making a rash decision.”

 

“Are you?”

 

“No, this has been long time coming even without your presence. You made me realized that. Damn, I'm sounding cheesy again but I guess there is no other way to put it.” Levi was sure the grimace would become permanent on his face if this kept up.

 

Eren's lips brushed his forehead.

 

“You are not a good influence for me. You make me say all these mushy things,” Levi said, causing Eren the laugh again. Damn the brat and his laughter. There was no way he could be angry at him when he laughed like that.

 

“It's good to know I have a positive effect on you. Just make sure you won't start talking like that at work. People might get scared.”

 

“Twat,” Levi snapped affectionately. Levi smiled as he thought how it was nice to relax like this with Eren. He had gotten so used to hiding his true feelings from showing up on his face that it felt odd to do show them. At work he aspired to keep himself acting professional, being too nice with people would never get him anywhere.

 

Despite feeling the moment of happiness, dark thoughts entered his mind. Was there anything could he give to Eren in return? Was he worthy of Eren's love at all? Would he be able to make Eren happy in the same way Eren managed to make him feel so? Eren could not possibly be happy in this current situation, could he? Levi waited for the day when Eren came to realize how horrible person Levi was. He was a liar and a cheater, there was no arguing with that.

 

Eren had been extremely patient with him for months now. Levi wondered when that patience would run out? Levi was not one to chase after things he wanted so if Eren left him, he would take it and accept it. He would accept the outcome even if it didn't end in his favor. Yesterday he finally had made up his mind that he would commit himself to Eren instead of Erwin. The change was easier said than done.

 

When leaving Erwin came to be reality, Levi would literally have nothing to his name. Would Eren be willing to live with him? Despite saying that he was in love with Levi, Eren might not want to progress their relationship that fast.

 

Maybe he should ask Eren?

 

What would he say if Levi asked to move in with him?

 

As he had come to realize in life that expecting things to go as planned was a wrong thing to do. Nothing ever went like planned after all. He had been supposed to live with Erwin till the day he died. Neither falling in love with Eren, nor the affair had been in his plans in the first place.

 

Levi looked at Eren, wanting to tell him that, _Just a little bit longer, please, wait for me._

 

But he didn't.

 

When Eren caught him staring, he asked, “What is it?”

 

“Nothing,” Levi replied. “Nothing at all.”

 

“It has to be something. You had that look on your face again,” Eren said clearly wanting to press the issue.

 

Levi closed his eyes. “I have no idea what you are talking about.” He would feign ignorance no matter what Eren claimed he had seen on his face. 

 

“Don't give me that crap,” Eren sounded stressed.

 

“What do you want me to tell you?” Levi honestly wanted to know. Would Eren demand him to declare his undying love for him or something?

 

“It's not about what I want...” Eren trailed off.

 

Levi took his time to answer, “You are over-thinking things, Eren.” What he said was true. Eren might not know exactly what he had been thinking about but the young man had been suspicious enough to ask.

 

Eren's fingers sank into Levi's hair and massaged his scalp in slow soothing motions. Eren sighed before he said, “If you are not going to marry Erwin, does that mean there would be a chance of you leaving him?”

 

Levi sighed. He wanted to push Eren away and walk away from this conversation.

 

_Stop running away from your problems. They never get solved if you don't face them head on._

 

“Eren,” he started, licking his lips. “What if I said yes?”

 

Eren went rigid. “Seriously?!” The young man jumped slightly upright but he didn't manage to sit up and was forced to flop back where he had been.

 

Levi grunted when Eren moved suddenly. “Calm your horses, brat.”

 

“But you know what this means,” Eren said energetically. Levi did not think Eren actually meant it as a question or for him to answer it. Eren gave him a excited hug and made a noise that sounded something a small kid would make when they got happy about something.

 

“I am already starting to regret that decision.”

 

“No!” Eren said and pushed Levi down on the couch.

 

“Oi!” Levi yelped as he his back hit the soft couch suddenly. Eren had followed him and was draped over Levi.

 

“I love you,” Eren said, hugging himself against Levi's chest.

 

“Big words for such a young boy,” Levi joked as he felt uncomfortable with sharing the notion of love with Eren. Levi's expectations were shattered for the second time that evening as Eren did not raise to his taunt. He liked to think that Eren sensed his unease. Eren deserved someone who was just as good to him as he was to Levi and Levi wanted to become that person. He wanted to break out of the net of lies for Eren's sake.

 

Levi ran his hands on Eren's arm and back. He would make himself worthy of Eren even if it was the last damn thing he did so that one day he would be able to say those three words back to him out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any mistakes. I've read this about hundred times so I am probably blind to everything at this point. This could say "I LOVE RABBITS" 52 times and I wouldn't notice.


	14. Who is crazy enough to nurse a viper on their side?

This was ridiculous. Levi took a deep breath and started to say, “We need to change this as soon a-a-cchooo!” He could not have prevented that one.

 

“Levi!” Hanji jumped slightly at the unexpected action of the man. “You need to go home. You don't look so good.”

 

“I am fine,” he grumbled and sniffed. He could not understand how he had gotten sick. Somehow he had managed to survive the coldest and most harsh weather but now that spring was already on its way he had gotten sick.

 

Hanji shoved her hand against his forehead and gasped. “You are burning up! That is not good, Levi. You have to go home and rest.”

 

Levi growled, pushing her hand away. “We have work to do.”

 

“If you stress yourself out you could worse than just a cold and a fever, you know,” Hanji tried to reason with him.

 

“I said I'm fine,” Levi insisted. “Could we get on with this?” he shook the papers in his hands to point out what he meant.

 

Hanji gave him a sharp glance and reluctantly returned to the task at hand, listening to whatever Levi had tired to say before him sneezing.

 

Levi truly believed that she had abandoned her quest for trying to get him go home but he had to give it to her for devising the most cruel plan ever. It took about an hour after their meeting for Eren to show up in his office in a hurry.

 

“I heard you are sick,” the young man said and without waiting for a reply he went and did exactly like Hanji, pushing his hand on Levi's forehead as if he had every right to do so. What was it with people and their concern these days?

 

“I said I was fine. Damn four-eyes,” Levi cursed, giving Eren the exact same rude treatment and shoved his intruding hand away from his face.

 

Eren snapped shut the laptop that Levi had open in front of him. “I'm taking you home,” the young man sounded adamant.

 

“What?” Levi had no real strength to get mad. He felt sleepy but he knew he could go on and finish the work if these interfering little shits let him.

 

“Pack your things because you are going home right now,” Eren's voice suggested that he was not going to take any shit from Levi. There was no arguing with Eren.

 

“Alright,” Levi agreed and Eren looked a bit surprised how easily he agreed.

 

In no time Levi was seated in Eren's car.

 

“Wow, you must be really sick,” Eren commented when they had driven for a few minutes. It was raining outside. It was the end of March and the weather was exceptionally warm, adding to the confusion how Levi had managed to get sick in the first place.

 

Levi slowly turned his head towards Eren and he hummed as a sign of question for what Eren meant.

 

“You have not commented how dirty my car is,” Eren answered, peering at the traffic lights waiting for the red to turn green. “Normally that is the first thing you comment on.”

 

Levi did not bother to say anything, just hummed his agreement as he closed his eyes. The exhaustion was getting to him. He had not even realized how tired he was until he did not need to keep up appearances.

 

Levi did not even notice when the car stopped until Eren poked his shoulder. “We are here,” the young man said softly.

 

Levi opened his eyes to see that Eren had indeed taken him 'home'. Levi sighed. He had gone home yesterday, dreading talking to Erwin. To his surprise the blond man had welcomed him back as if he had not been gone for longer than a day. It had put Levi in a state of unease as he realized that Erwin acted as if they had not fought at all. Maybe Erwin waited for him to apologize or some other shit but Levi was not going to do so.

 

“Hey,” Eren's voice broke through his sour thoughts. “Do you want me to carry you or something?” there was a hint of amusement in Eren's voice meaning he was joking but might go through with his suggestion if Levi told him to.

 

Levi snorted and slowly got out of the car. Eren did come to help him as if he was some invalid that could not walk on his own. “I'm fine,” Levi snapped tiredly as his muscles felt sore.

 

“Oh come on, Levi, you are clearly not fine. Give me your keys,” Eren demanded and Levi handed them over. Eren rushed to open the front door and made sure that anything that Levi had with him were placed on the entrance hall's floor neatly against the wall. Eren even helped his coat off, hanging it up for him. “Just go on and lay down. I'll make you some tea.”

 

“Silly brat,” Levi muttered even though he did as Eren suggested. The idea of a soft bed and its warmth sounded heavenly. He was too tired to strip completely and so he just dropped his suit pants and jacket on the floor. He loosened his tie enough to get it off before he slipped into the bed. Once there he pulled his socks off and dropped them over the edge of the bed.

 

When Eren came into the bedroom and saw the mess Levi had made he said, “I knew it that you make a mess once in a while too.”

 

“Shut up,” Levi grumbled under the soft cover. He watched as Eren placed the steaming mug on the nightstand and cleaned after Levi, putting his suit into the closet where it belonged and collected the socks. Eren was gone for a moment and Levi heard the lid of the laundry basket clunk shut. _That brat is too precious_ , he thought.

 

Levi had closed his eyes just for a second and felt the bed dip as Eren sat on the edge. “Hey,” the young man said with his soft tone. “Drink the tea before you fall asleep.”

 

Levi sat up and hummed in appreciation as he took the first two sips. “You need to go back to work,” Levi told him.

 

“And I will. Don't worry, I can put in an extra hour no problem.”

 

Eren made sure that Levi had drank his tea and was snugly under the covers. As Eren was about to leave, he kissed Levi's temple. “Get better soon.”

 

Then Levi suddenly remembered something. “Eren,” he called out and the young man. “Happy birthday.”

 

The smile that spread on Eren's face tugged at Levi's heart. “Thank you,” the young man said to him.

 

“I'm sorry I can't make it to the party.”

 

Eren waved his hand in dismissive manner. “Don't worry about it. I'm not a kid anymore. Birthdays come and go.” Eren gave him another kiss on Levi's forehead this time. “Take care of yourself.” Then Eren was gone and Levi sighed contentedly as he fell asleep.

 

Levi was woken up when someone sat on the bed. He opened his eyes slightly to peer at Erwin who sat there looking down at him.

 

“Are you sick?” Erwin asked. Levi thanked the gods that Erwin did not shove his hand on his face like every other person had so far.

 

“Yeah,” Levi answered. He did not want to move at all. He felt so good and relaxed right now but he kept a careful eye on Erwin. As if to prove his words he sneezed. Erwin pulled the drawer of the nightstand open and gave him a tissue. “Thanks,” Levi said as he blew his nose with as few moves as possible.

 

“Are you hungry? I can make something if you'd like,” Erwin suggested.

 

“I'm not that hungry,” Levi said. He was more thirsty than hungry anyway.

 

Erwin nodded and after a moment he asked, “How did you get home? I did not see your car out in the front.”

 

“Eren bought me home,” Levi said.

 

“Eren?” Erwin's voice full of wonder and made Levi realize he had not talked about Eren before, had he? What was even more, he had just said his name in a very familiar manner.

 

“He's one of my colleagues. He offered to drive me.” Little white lies were necessary, right? Erwin didn't need to know all the little details that led to that happening.

 

“He made you tea,” Erwin gestured to the mug.

 

Levi was not sure if he was being accused of something or not. “Yeah, he was kind enough to.” Levi knew he could have lied that he had made it himself if he had cared enough to hide small fact like that.

 

Erwin was looking at the mug with an unreadable look on his face. For the first time Levi was one hundred percent sure that Erwin had figured something out. Erwin would just need to take a look at his face and he would know that Levi was deceiving him.

 

When Erwin did lock eyes with him Levi waited, holding his breath. Erwin was a smart man and Levi was sure Erwin would be able to add things together and come to the only possible conclusion why Levi was behaving the way he was. At that very second Levi was more than ready to admit the cheating and lies he had been spewing out of his mouth for months.

 

When Erwin finally spoke it was not what Levi thought he would say. “I'll make something to eat. It's not healthy for you to skip a meal,” Erwin said, patting Levi's hip gently and offered a sweet smile to seal the deal.

 

Levi waited for him to be out of the room before he let out a sigh. Oh, how he wanted to be with Eren right now. He would have given almost anything to be there celebrating his birthday and getting drunk enough to have an excuse to “sleep on Eren's couch”, as he would explain it to Erwin.

 


	15. So I became this person who does not even feel shame

 

 

“We are going to need a bigger bed,” Eren commented as they laid in his bed meant for one person.

 

Levi hummed his agreement even though he did secretly enjoy this closeness that they were “forced” to endure. Small bed gave him the perfect excuse from cuddling with Eren. A bigger bed would not be a bad thing, though. In the long run it would be a better option to have the chance to straighten ones spine and Levi was not really looking forward to spending the summer in this small bed, sweating like pigs as they'd have no other option than huddle together to stay on the narrow piece of furniture.

 

 _Summer..._ Was it too early to think that he'd be here with Eren when summer came? It was only a few months away but a lot could happen in few months as he had come to notice.

 

Levi sat up, starting to look for his clothes. They had gotten off work early today since a project they had been working on had been finished and since the next big one was a few days away they had the chance to take it a bit easier before that. Of course Levi had taken advantage of this fact and Eren had agreed obviously. The brat was more than happy to romp in bed with him.

 

Levi sniffed at his shirt. It smelled like the aftershave that Eren used. It made him wonder if Erwin had noticed such things about him? The again, Levi was the one who did the laundry and such. It was highly unlikely and Levi couldn't care less at this point.

 

Thinking about Erwin reminded him that he probably should talk to Petra and actually pay a visit to her home, maybe have dinner or some when he was there. He hardly ever had time to talk to her during work about any private matters. She was going to drop out of work soon as she was seven months pregnant. It was her second pregnancy and Levi was the godfather of the first child of hers, a little girl called Clarice.  


He really should buy her a present and visit them. He felt a bang of guilt for not seeing the little girl since Christmas when he had given her a present or two. He had neglected his friendship to Petra as well. Seemed that he had more to fix than just his own romantic relationships.

 

“Are you leaving already?” Eren's arms wrapped around him from behind and the young man nuzzled his neck.

 

Levi brought Eren's hand to his mouth, kissing the palm. “I'm sorry but yes I am.”

 

Eren sighed as he knew it as well that Levi could not stay any longer.

 

“I'll see you tomorrow at work.”

 

“And after that?” Eren's tone got hopeful and he placed kiss on Levi's shoulder.

 

Levi chuckled. “Getting greedy, are we?”

 

They shared a silent moment as Eren did not answer his inquiry right away. Without Levi needing to tell Eren that he needed to go home once in a while Eren suddenly said, “I know, I know.”

 

Levi gave Eren's hand another kiss. “If it makes you feel any better, I'll come by tomorrow after work,” he suggested, hoping to alleviate Eren's spirits.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, why not. I could even spent the night.” Screw Erwin and his suspicions. Maybe this would be enough to wake the dialogue between them and Levi would have the perfect chance to come clean about Eren and his feelings.

 

“Will it be alright?” Eren asked carefully.

 

“Don't you worry about that.” Levi patted his arm gently.

 

“Levi,” Eren began cautiously. “Are you going to be alright? Should I talk to Erwin?”

 

“Hell no!” Levi exclaimed at the sudden proposition. “Where the hell did you get an idea like that?”

 

“Wouldn't it make it faster?”

 

Levi knew that Eren was a bit reckless but this was ridiculous. “You have a death wish, don't you?”

 

Eren's eyes got wide. “He wouldn't kill me, would he?” he asked more cautiously than before.

 

“He might.” Levi had no idea what Erwin would do if Eren showed up to their home and claimed that he had a relationship with Levi. It would be a total disaster. Erwin might appear calm on the surface but Levi knew there had to be something bubbling under there. Only time he had seen a glimpse of Erwin's wrath had been when Levi's father had bashed Levi in front of Erwin. The blond man had been furious in the most calm and terrifying way and Levi had lost all his fear towards his own father.

 

“You are pulling my leg, right?”

 

“Who knows,” Levi shrugged.

 

Once again they sat there silent for a moment. Levi loved these moments, just before he needed to leave, Eren would become clingy. “I just want to be with you without having to be so secretive about it,” the young man said to him.

 

Levi couldn't agree more.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day at work Eren was his giddy, happy self. At least that was how Levi interpreted it as the young man pranced into his office, smiling.

 

“Good morning, Levi!” he practically sang.

 

“Where do you get all that energy? I swear to god the world's energy problems would be solved if they could tap into you.” Levi knew he made a mistake the moment he said the words as he saw the mischievous look on Eren's face. “No, don't crack a crude joke about that, please,” Levi pleaded.

 

Eren ginned as he sat his butt on the edge of Levi's desk. “As you wish but if you want to hear it just say so.”

 

“I'll try to remember that,” Levi said drily. “Why are you here pestering me so early in the morning?” he asked before adding, “And you didn't even bring me a cup of coffee.” He tried to look as offended as he could.

 

“Oh, I can get you one don't worry. I just wanted to see you,” Eren stated with a smile.

 

Levi stared at him for a moment. “You are happy about simple things, aren't you?”

 

“Yeah.” Eren peered at him for a second or two before leaning a bit closer. “I could kiss you right now.”

 

“You better not though,” Levi warned with low voice as he did not back down and they were face to face, only a few inches away.

 

“I know,” Eren said but his gaze flicked onto Levi's lips.

 

“Good.” Levi leaned back, away from Eren's reach. “Now get your sweet ass off my desk and bring me that coffee you promised,” Levi looked pointedly at Eren's ass as he spoke.

 

Eren winked at him. “Sure thing, darling.” Eren hopped off and left the same way he had, with a slight sway on his hips, seducing enough for Levi to stare after him.

 

Levi shook his head and sighed as he went through the list of things he needed to work on today but he didn't get far when Hanji burst into his office.

 

“What is it now?” he asked frustrated that there had been two people in his office before he had even gotten his first cup of coffee. He would need it, he felt it in his bones. He almost smiled when he thought of Eren who would soon return with his coffee.

 

“Levi,” her tone was reprimanding as if he had done something wrong already.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I know you said I have no right to butt into your business but when you make it everyone else's business then I think I should.”

 

“What on earth are you babbling about?”

 

“That little display you just put up with Eren.”

 

Levi knew he should have closed the blinds when he came into the office. “I did no such thing.” He outright ignored her and went back to organizing his tasks for today.

 

“Everyone could see those gooey eyes you kept giving him not to mention the way you stare at his ass.”

 

“You sure have keen eyes,” Levi commented offhandedly.

 

“Levi,” she said again with that reprimanding tone.

 

“Hanji,” he countered as he looked at her.

 

“You need to do something about your life. Take this as an advice from a friend, you don't want to live between two men for very long.”

 

“And that is why I'm leaving Erwin.”

 

“What?” It seemed that it had not been what Hanji had expected him to say.

 

“Aren't you happy for me?” Levi taunted her a bit. She was the one who wanted him to end it with someone.

 

“Is it that serious with Eren?”

 

“That is none of your business.”

 

“So it is,” she commented.

 

Levi didn't see a way out of the situation without talking to her. “Hanji, listen, I understand that you want to... see me happy, am I right?”

 

She nodded as she listened to him.

 

“You know I've been with Erwin for a long time but that doesn't mean it is meant to be. Eren on the other hand,” he paused as he chose his words carefully. “He's given me something I never had with Erwin and I hope you can respect my decision. I know fully well that I could have handled everything a lot better if I was a better man.” He dearly hoped Hanji would understand him at least a little bit. He really was not looking for her acceptance in any other way than getting her to shut up about it. He didn't need her to tell him what was right and what was wrong. He needed her to stay silent and let him live his life the way he wanted to.

 

Maybe they reached some sort of understanding that morning, maybe they didn't but Hanji left his office with a small smile on her lips and a knowing look on her face. Levi came to realize that Eren had that same kind of smile on his face when Levi went to see him that evening.

 

The kind of smile that said, _I know you'll get there eventually_.

 

The kind that made Levi see just how desperately Eren waited for him to break it off with Erwin.

 

Whether Levi felt a tinge of guilt inside his heart would be irrelevant the next day because then he would find out that his entrance to Eren's apartment, with Eren opening the door to him with a smile, had been seen by no other than Erwin.

 


	16. The one who can keep it together when all this blows over

Levi knew there would be some sort of conversation between himself and Erwin by this point. He had just spent the night at Eren's without letting Erwin know that he would not be coming home. He walked into the quiet house and proceeded towards the shower. He had gotten off work early today and he wanted to be out of the house well before Erwin ever came off from work.

 

He got his nasty surprise when he came out of the shower, drying his hair and found Erwin standing at the bedroom door.

 

“I didn't know you were home,” Levi said carefully. He could see the tension in Erwin's body by the way he stood, his shoulders tense, his whole pose speaking of anger.

 

“I had a day off,” came the court answer of the man with a stoic expression on his face.

 

_Day off?_ Levi had not seen Erwin's car on the drive way. Levi narrowed his eyes as he knew that something was not quite right with this picture. “Where's your car?”

 

“It's in maintenance downtown.”

 

Levi nodded and despite the threatening aura around Erwin he tried to pass by him but Erwin grabbed hold of his arm.

 

“We need to talk,” Erwin's tone held a certain level of finality and Levi understood that there was not denying him this request.

 

“Could I put some clothes on first?”

 

Erwin nodded and let him go. Levi expected him to leave but instead Erwin sat down on their bed and watched as Levi dressed. Normally Levi would have not batted an eye about it but there was a strange atmosphere in the room and made him extremely conscious of Erwin's presence.

 

Levi dressed in silence. He was disappointed that he could no longer escape to be with Eren for a few hours under the pretense of being still at work.

 

_I have to stop doing this._

 

Levi ran his hands through his hair and turned to face Erwin. Levi made his decision as he looked into Erwin's blue eyes.

 

This would end tonight.

 

Levi waited, not saying anything. It was Erwin who looked away first. “Where were you last night?” Erwin's tone was accusing.

 

Levi narrowed his eyes. Erwin was onto something,wasn't he? “I was visiting Petra,” he lied. He'd love to see where this would go before revealing the truth to Erwin himself.

 

“How is she?”

 

“She's fine.”

 

Erwin's eyes met his once again. “I called her,” Erwin said and a pregnant silence followed.

 

_He knows._

 

Levi tilted his head slightly backwards as he swallowed. He could understand where the anger of Erwin's was coming from. Erwin did not really need to tell him exactly what he and Petra had talked about but the blond man did it anyway.

 

“She sounded surprised when I asked if you had paid her a visit. She said you have not visited her in months. Is that true?”

 

“Yes.” There was no point denying it. Levi knew he could have talked to Petra himself and tell her to lie to Erwin. Heck, he could have gone to see her for real instead of playing with Eren like some love sick teenager.

 

“You know,” Erwin said. “For some time you have been acting weird and I tried to come up with the reason why.”

 

“And?” Levi asked as Erwin had fallen silent.

 

The way Erwin's eyes blazed with anger should have scared him. Levi kept himself calm. If he really thought about it, he realized that he had absolutely nothing to lose in this situation with Erwin. He'd take anything Erwin said to him and let it pass. Erwin could not touch him anymore. His words would be meaningless to Levi.

 

“I thought hard and I started to pay attention to the details more than usual, Levi. I did notice how your working schedule changed, the way you no longer sought my company like you used to and the way you circled around things carefully as if you could get burned if you got too close.”

 

“What are you getting at?”

 

“You've been lying to me. Why?” Erwin's voice was even but Levi could hear it wavering. Erwin's anger was shimmering just under the surface and ready to burst out any minute.

 

Levi decided to play the game with Erwin's rules and thus he said, “I found something worth lying for.”

 

“Eren Jaeger,” Erwin said his name as if it was poison to be spat out.

 

“What about him?” Levi taunted.

 

“Don't act as if you don't know what I'm getting at,” Erwin's tone got dangerous and the man stood up, clearly getting angrier by the second. “I saw you going into his apartment.”

 

Maybe Levi was taking this game too far because he had no guarantee that Erwin would not physically hurt him. No one never knew what was the thing that pushed people off the edge, did they? “What do you want to know?” he asked calmly. He'd tell Erwin anything he wanted to know. Why would he deny something that Erwin had already figured out?

 

“Are you sleeping with him?”

 

The question did not surprise Levi at all. “Yes,” he admitted without regret.

 

“For how long?”

 

Levi crossed his arms. “Four months.”

 

Erwin looked surprised for a moment. “Four months?” he asked in disbelief.

 

“Ever since you left on your month long business trip.”

 

Something seemed to snap inside Erwin because he looked absolutely furious. “You've been cheating on me for four fucking months!” Erwin bellowed. “And you dare to stand there as if nothing is wrong!”

 

Levi could not deny that he appeared calm. He had known for all this time that this moment would be upon him. He had had the time to prepare mentally for this, Erwin hadn't.

 

“What the hell does he have that I don't? I've given you everything you could want or need and you run off to fuck some boy toy!”

 

Levi closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as Erwin shouted at him.

 

“Look at me when I'm talking to you.” Erwin's tone made Levi re-open his eyes quickly. Before himself, Levi saw a man he did not recognize.

 

_There is nothing to fear,_ he kept telling himself. “I'm leaving,” Levi said.

 

Erwin's nostrils flared and he looked livid. “After all these years you betray me like this.”

 

“This has been long time coming. You out of all people should have seen that.” Levi knew that Erwin was a man who noted things, keeping track of details just as the man had said himself.

 

“How dare you tell me what I should have seen when you fucked that boy behind my back. Did you fuck him on this bed?” Erwin pointed at the bed, his hand shaking.

 

Disgust swirled inside Levi's belly as he listened to the tone that Erwin used as he spoke. Erwin sounded so hateful that Levi could hardly tell it was him saying those words. “Yes,” Levi admitted once again. “I fucked him here, I fucked him in the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, your study and in my car. Is there anything else you'd like to know?”

 

Erwin was fuming, breathing heavily, staring at Levi for a moment before he spoke again, “Why?”

 

_Why?_ As in why did Levi do this or why he fucked someone at all? Of course he did not as these questions out loud. Erwin might have hit him for that. Levi decided that this was as good moment as any to say, “I love him.”

 

Erwin spluttered out a laugh of disbelief. “You know nothing of love.”

 

Levi wanted to ignore that but at the same time argue that Erwin knew nothing about who he was today. Erwin was just lashing out at him out of anger. “It doesn't matter what you think I know or do not. I'm done with this shit. I'm leaving, tonight.”

 

“You are going to walk out, just like that?”

 

“Is there a way you'd prefer me to do it? Should I scream and shout or would you prefer I beg for forgiveness I do not want?”

 

“You are an insolent asshole,” Erwin spat out. “I trusted you, Levi.”

 

Levi almost smiled when Erwin tried to make him feel guilty. He no longer cared what Erwin wanted or needed from him. Erwin would not get his apology. He would not say he was sorry for falling for Eren. He would not lie any longer when it came to Eren. “I'll pack my things and I'll be gone within an hour,” Levi said calmly and saw that Erwin was not expecting this reaction from him.

 

Erwin's hands were closed as fists and he seemed to have trouble of staying still. Levi uncrossed his arms as he prepared himself to receive an attack. Levi did not want to be caught unaware just because he believed Erwin to be incapable of physical violence.

 

Levi waited for Erwin to say or do something, anything at all. Levi took a step back when Erwin did move but instead of touching Levi, Erwin went to the closet and pulled out the biggest bag he had and threw it on the bed.

 

“Be sure to be gone in an hour. I do not want to see you ever again,” Erwin said darkly, not sparing Levi a glance before leaving the bedroom.

 

Levi was not sure exactly where Erwin went off to as he packed away the few clothes he had. He left the bag in the entrance hall and went to get his stereos. There was no chance in hell he was leaving those to Erwin. The said man would probably throw them away as soon as possible anyway. He packed his stuff on the back seat of his car and took one last look at the house he had called home for so many years.

 

Then Levi left.

 

He did not need to ponder about where he was going to go. He really had only one place in mind. While he drove he thought of how the break up had neither been exactly the cleanest nor had everything been solved. Erwin would probably hate him for the rest of his life but that was okay. He had officially left him and there was nothing else he needed to do. Erwin would be able to track him down if he still had something to say.

 

Levi parked his car at the front of the familiar apartment. He did not bother with his luggage as he walked fast the last few steps to his destination. He rang the door bell, waiting for Eren to open up.

 

“Hi,” Eren said with a smile as soon as he opened the door.

 

Levi pulled him into a kiss which the young man did not expect but did not complain about. “I left Erwin,” he told the young man. There were hardly any more words he needed to say.

 

As Levi had suspected, Eren looked surprised only for a moment before a knowing smile, ten times brighter than the previous one overtook Eren's face. Eren closed him into an warm embrace. “Welcome home, Levi.”

 

**THE END**

This story was inspired by a song called _Toinen_ by _Jenni Vartiainen._  
Here is a rough translation of it that I used in this story: __  
  


**_Toinen_ **

_He knew how to come in_  
 _I let him in_  
 _I'm just as much guilty as he is_  
 _That's what I've been like, never completely closing the door_  
 _Everything is not fine ever, not entirely_  
 _So now I'm this person who does not even feel shame_  
 _The one that survives when you finally wake up_

_Look one more time, you don't know me at all_  
 _I wasn't there, I did not thought of you at all_  
 _Without saying anything it has to come to light soon_  
 _I don't tell the truth to anyone  
_ _You still don't know I have another man_

_If I make everything worse on purpose_  
 _Maybe it would be you that would want to leave quickly_  
 _Don't you see at all how worthless I am?_  
 _Who is crazy enough to nurse a viper on their side?_  
 _So I became this person who does not even feel shame_  
 _The one who can keep it together when all this blows over_

_Look one more time, you don't know me at all_  
 _I wasn't there, I did not thought of you at all_  
 _Without saying anything it has to come to light soon_  
 _I don't tell the truth to anyone_  
 _You still don't know I have another man_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who read this, reviewed this and actually liked this story :)  
> I had fun writing this and I managed to keep my original plan quiet well but it was not always easy to do so. I do wish that this story was somewhat entertaining.
> 
> Now onward to other projects! :)


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